Why Healing Feels So Hard (And How to Know You're Still Making Progress)
- Deborah Ann Martin
- Oct 17
- 5 min read
We’ve all been there. Feeling powerless, stuck, or overwhelmed. You started healing or tried to but now the problem has branched into more problems: parenting alone, financial stress, emotional isolation. You’re doing what used to take two people.
So you ask: Why don’t I feel healed yet? Why isn’t anything better?
Here’s the truth: Healing doesn’t always feel like healing. More often, it feels like failure. Like stagnation. Like nothing is changing. But the real work of healing often looks and feels like the opposite.
Signs You’re Healing (Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like Progress)
Healing is more complicated than instant peace or confidence. Real growth often happens in the cracks. Here are signs you’re actually healing:
Crying for the first time in years. Wounds are softening.
Saying “no” and feeling guilty. Boundaries are growing.
Noticing the anger you used to suppress. You’re reconnecting with yourself.
Choosing rest even when your routine was going a mile a minute. You’re slowing down on purpose.
Asking for help even if it makes you feel awkward. You’re admitting you matter.
These don’t feel like triumphs they feel raw and vulnerable. But they are progressing. They are proof that old survival patterns are shifting. That you’re learning to feel, advocate, and care for yourself in healthier ways.
Why Small Wins Are the Secret to Emotional Growth
Large leaps often get the spotlight. But healing mostly lives in the quiet, daily moments. Small wins matter because they:
Show that change is happening even when it's slow.
Quiet the inner critic that tells you you’ll never improve.
Build confidence step by step.
Remind you you’re not stuck you’re growing.
You may feel like nothing is moving, but slow progress is still progress. Healing isn’t always fast. It’s consistent.
What Counts as Healing Progress? Real Examples
Let’s get practical. Progress doesn’t always look transformational. It often looks like:
You said “no” to something draining maybe for the first time.
You owned and apologized for reacting incorrectly rather than ignoring it.
You asked for help when you were scared of seeming weak.
You caught yourself repeating a toxic pattern earlier than the last time.
You forgave yourself for messing up.
You prioritized rest, without guilt.
Each of these is a small action. But each one is a step forward. One small choice after another becomes momentum over time.
The Domino Effect: Why One Problem Feels Like Ten
Healing rarely drops problems one at a time. It drops a domino. Take, for instance, this scenario that some people find themselves in:
If a partner walks away:
Suddenly, you take on two roles: partner and parent.
Finances tighten. Responsibilities multiply.
You grieve, you run yourself ragged, and you wonder why you still feel broken.
Your life has so many moving parts, and sometimes they are building on top of each other. If it were just one problem in life, it would be easier. But it doesn't always work that way. Normally, there are so many things happening that are pulling you in so many directions.
But in that chaos:
You learn to carry things alone.
You learn to find resources, mentally and practically.
You learn to lean into your own resilience.
It may not feel like progress, but it is...doing what you didn’t want to do, learning to carry what you can, still waking up each day. You’re healing. Even in the mess.
When you realize you can't do something, support groups and finding friends and family who can help are really helpful. It's hard, but that is part of the healing process, not failing.
My Story: Why I Struggle to See Progress Too
If you’re like me, you underestimate how far you’ve come. My inner critic grew up in a household that said nothing was ever enough. Even now, years into healing, I focus on missed goals, failed days, and spots where I “should’ve done better.”
But when I step back:
I see someone who chose to keep moving forward.
I see someone who chose healing instead of hiding.
I see someone who built meaningful things out of brokenness.
That’s real growth. And that’s your story too even if your critic doesn’t see it yet.
How to Start Recognizing Your Healing Progress
You don’t need a big breakthrough to know you’re healing. Here’s how to begin seeing it:
Daily Reflection: Write Down Small Wins
Each day, journal one thing you did even if it felt uncomfortable that helped you heal. No matter how minor it seems.
Challenge Your Inner Critic
When you hear, "You're not doing enough," answer: "I’m healing at my own pace." Then pause. Breathe.
Celebrate Rest
Rest is not quitting. It’s growth. Choosing recovery instead of collapse is progress.
Ask Someone Safe
Sometimes others see our growth before we do. Ask a trusted friend or coach: “What have you noticed? Can you see me changing?”
Building Confidence from the Inside Out
When you start celebrating small wins, something powerful happens:
Your self-worth grows. Each choice becomes a vote for your future, one day at a time.
Your confidence stacks up. Each small win slowly changes how you see yourself.
Your healing becomes visible. You stop waiting for a big moment you feel the shift through consistency.
Healing builds internally before the world can see it. Recognizing that builds resilience and belief that yes, you are doing better, even when it feels impossible.
When It Doesn’t Feel Like You’re Doing Anything—But You Are
On hard days, healing feels invisible:
Your mind goes to your failures.
Your body forgets rest.
Your energy barely flickers.
That’s when small wins matter most:
You resisted an old impulse.
You navigated a trigger differently.
You held on just long enough to rest.
These moments feel small. Yet each one rewrites who you thought you were, rebuilding your identity, one small shift at a time.
How to Turn This Into Real Practice
Here’s how to make this real, right now:
Set a daily small win prompt: “Today I…”
Keep a visible log of wins: sticky notes, phone memo, small journal.
Revisit your list weekly: notice patterns, see where you have already grown.
Choose one area to focus on: rest, boundaries, self-compassion.
Add a weekly self‑check: How did I learn to honor myself this week?
Use reminders: affirmations like, “I’m healing, even if I can’t feel it yet.”
Final Thought: Every Step is Healing
Healing isn’t glamorous. It’s not a destination. It’s a journey rich with small shifts and quiet victories.
You’re doing more than you think. Every boundary, every breath of rest, every time you welcome discomfort instead of denying it those are choices. Those are progress.
If you’re still here, still breathing, still learning you are healing. Proudly. Gently. One small win at a time.
You belong in this journey. Your healing is real. And it’s yours.
Support on Your Journey
If you’re tired of feeling stuck, I can help you see your own progress. Through Next Step Coaching, we’ll set small, achievable goals together and track your healing wins without judgment.
Let’s move forward one real step at a time.
[Book a Neighbor Talk Session – You deserve to feel proud of your progress.]
Healing & Journaling Tool: “Noticing My Progress”
Prompt:
Write a list of five small wins you’ve had this week. They can be as simple as resting, setting a boundary, or acknowledging and expressing your feelings.
At the end, write this sentence: “I’m proud of myself for showing up.”
(This will be saved to your journal doc.)
You’re Doing Better Than You Think
Progress isn’t perfect.
Recognizing progress is hard.
Healing isn’t obvious.
But every kind choice you make for yourself counts.
You are not stuck. You are moving forward.
And your small wins? They’re changing everything.
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