Learning to Try New Things – Even if You’re Nervous
- Deborah Ann Martin
- Oct 13
- 5 min read
Updated: Oct 13
After my divorce, I remember the first time I had the opportunity to do something new, and I froze.
For years, my schedule revolved around kids, work, and my spouse’s preferences. My life was planned around someone else’s likes and dislikes. And to be honest, I was used to saying “no” to things I wanted to do because it was easier than arguing about them.
When I was suddenly free to choose for myself, I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know what I liked anymore. I didn’t want to “think too much” because thinking usually led to remembering… and remembering hurt.
So I started small, the safest way I could. I went to my usual restaurant but ordered something different. Or I’d try a new drink. It wasn’t earth-shattering, but it was movement.
Then one day, I decided to try something bigger: a rock-climbing wall at our church fall festival. I was terrified. I gave it my best, but about 1/4 way up I realized ... nope. My grip failed, and I landed flat on my butt. My four kids laughed so hard they nearly cried. And you know what? I laughed too. In a season when life felt unbearably heavy, my “epic fail” gave us all a reason to smile.
That was the lesson: trying new things wasn’t about perfection. It was about creating new moments.
A year after my divorce, I finally did something I had wanted to do for years: white water rafting. My ex had told me I was “too out of shape” (his nice way of saying “too fat”) to handle it. Those words echoed in my mind as I geared up. But I went anyway. I had the time of my life. I did it again with a friend, but I don't feel the need to do it ever again. I didn’t “win” or “conquer” anything; I just got to live a dream that someone else had tried to bury.
And then there was kayaking. I had never done it before, but once I tried, I fell in love. Now it’s my go-to stress relief. There’s nothing like gliding across still water in the early morning, breathing in the quiet, knowing I built this moment for myself.
Why Trying New Things Matters After Divorce
When your world changes, it’s easy to stay in safe, familiar spaces. But the danger of staying too safe is that you never grow.
Trying new things helps you:
Rebuild confidence – every “yes” to something new proves you can handle more than you think.
Create fresh memories – ones that aren’t tied to the past relationship.
Expand your identity – you’re no longer just “someone’s ex” or “someone’s mom/dad.”
Discover what you truly like – not just what you used to tolerate for someone else.
Meet new people – especially when the activity itself brings you together.
Overcoming the Voices (Internal & External)
For many of us, the hardest part of trying something new isn’t the cost, the schedule, or the logistics. It’s the voices.
The voices of people who told us we weren’t good enough.The voices of our own self-doubt.The voices that say, “What if you look stupid?”
Here’s the truth:
You will look silly sometimes.
You will make mistakes.
You will probably “fail” at something.
And that’s okay. Because the goal isn’t to impress anyone — the goal is to live again.
If a past partner told you you couldn’t do something, trying it now can be a powerful act of reclaiming yourself. Even if you only do it once, you’ve proven those words wrong.
The “Just Once” Approach
Not everything you try will stick. That doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth it.
Think of new experiences like tasting new foods: you might not love every flavor, but you won’t know until you try.
You can:
Do it once, decide it’s not for you, and never do it again.
Try something for fun with no expectation of becoming an “expert.”
Use it as a story to laugh about later.
Your value isn’t tied to mastery. It’s tied to the courage it took to show up.
Levels of New
You don’t have to leap from “never tried anything” to skydiving in one week. Start at your own pace.
Small:
Order something new at your regular restaurant.
Go to a new coffee shop instead of your usual.
Take a different walking route.
Medium:
Sign up for a local art, cooking, or fitness class.
Go to a community festival or farmers market.
Try a guided day trip somewhere nearby.
Big:
Join a travel club and explore a new destination.
Tackle a physical adventure like rafting, ziplining, or rock climbing.
Sign up for a weekend retreat or workshop in something you’ve never studied before.
Try New Things with Others
One of the easiest ways to try new things without the pressure of going alone is to join interest-based groups:
Travel clubs – plan trips with others who love exploring.
Meetups & hobby groups – find people who share your interests.
Community classes – cooking, pottery, language courses, photography walks.
Volunteer projects – make a difference while meeting like-minded people.
These settings take the awkwardness out of meeting new people you already have something in common.
A Final Thought: You’ve Got This
Trying new things after divorce can feel overwhelming, but it’s not about being fearless. It’s about being brave anyway. It’s about choosing to take small steps that lead you back to yourself.
Every time you try something new, you’re not just learning about the activity, you’re learning about yourself. You’re proving you can adapt, grow, and find joy again. You’re building a life that reflects who you are now, not who you used to be, or who someone else told you to be.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. You just need to start.
Some experiences will be pure fun. Others might flop. But every single one will be a step toward rebuilding a life that feels like yours. Your progress isn’t measured by how big the experience is. It’s measured by how fully you show up for your own life ... awkwardness, fear, joy, and all.
So whether it’s kayaking at sunrise, signing up for a class, or simply ordering something different at your favorite restaurant, you are doing something powerful.
Your new life doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s.
It just has to feel alive.
Don't just live feel Alive!!!
What You Can Try Today
Learning to live is learning what the new you likes and enjoys. After a while, it'll be the discovery that is the fun.
Write down three things you’ve always wanted to do but never have.
Pick one small “new” thing to try this week, even if it’s just a different coffee drink.
Ask a friend (or your kids) to join you in trying something silly and lighthearted.
Research one local activity group you might enjoy and follow their page or sign up for a newsletter.
Remind yourself: you don’t have to love everything you try, just showing up is the win.
You’re Not Alone in This
At Surviving Life Lessons, we know how hard it can be to start over, especially when everything feels unfamiliar. That’s why we’ve built a community of people who are walking this same path: rediscovering joy, rebuilding identity, and learning to live again, one step at a time.
If you’re ready to try something new but want support, encouragement, or just someone to cheer you on, we’re here.
Join one of our support groups and surround yourself with people who get it.
You don’t have to do this alone.
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