How to Begin the Real Work of Healing

True healing begins when you stop pretending you're fine

Healing is often misunderstood. People think it’s about moving on, pretending it didn’t hurt, or replacing pain with something pretty. But real healing is uncomfortable. It’s unlearning habits that once kept you safe. It’s challenging what you believed about love, safety, and your worth. It’s facing your truth without looking away.

This post is about what healing really looks like—not the buzzword version, but the daily, gritty, soul-growing version. The kind that changes everything.

Standing on the edge of healing—one small decision at a time.

What Healing Isn’t

Before we talk about what healing is, let’s clear something up:

• Healing isn’t pretending you’re fine.

• Healing isn’t quick.

• Healing isn’t one breakthrough moment and then peace forever.

• Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what happened.

• Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never struggle again.

If you've ever wondered why you’re not “over it” yet, or why you're still triggered, the answer might be simple: you're still healing. And that’s okay.

What Is the Real Work of Healing?

The “work” of healing isn’t about being perfect. It’s about learning how to care for yourself, trust yourself, and stop repeating old patterns that hurt you.

Here’s what real healing might look like:

• Setting boundaries—even when it’s uncomfortable

• Saying no without guilt

• Noticing your triggers instead of reacting right away

• Taking care of your body (eating, resting, moving)

• Learning to speak kindly to yourself instead of judging or blaming

• Choosing to walk away from chaos, even when it’s familiar.

• Journaling instead of exploding.

• Crying instead of numbing.

• Feeling proud of yourself for doing a hard thing, no matter how small.

These may seem small, but they’re huge. If no one taught you how to do these things, it’s not your fault. But now you can teach yourself.

The real work of healing starts with one small decision at a time.

Start Here: 3 Honest Steps to Begin the Healing Process

1. Acknowledge What Hurt You

Before you can heal something, you have to name it. A lot of people skip this step because they don’t want to reopen the wound. But you can't stitch up a wound you won’t look at.

Ask yourself:

• Who hurt me and how?

• What parts of me still react like I’m living in that hurt?

• What truths have I avoided because they’re painful?

2. Learn to Sit With the Pain (Without Letting It Control You)

Pain is not your enemy. Avoiding pain only traps it inside you. Healing means feeling it—one piece at a time—until it no longer controls your reactions or self-worth.

This might look like:

• Taking 10 minutes to journal when you feel overwhelmed.

• Letting yourself cry without needing to explain or stop it.

• Talking to a trusted friend or therapist about what’s really going on inside.

3. Start Building New Patterns

Healing isn’t just about stopping the old stuff—it’s about creating something better.

Try:

• Practicing daily affirmations that speak directly to your wounds.

• Setting a boundary, even a small one.

• Replacing self-shame with self-care.

• Asking for help before you hit your breaking point.

True healing doesn’t happen overnight—it starts with small decisions that honor your worth.

Why Is It So Hard?

Healing is hard because pain leaves patterns.

You may feel guilty for putting yourself first. You may be scared of being alone. You may think your pain wasn’t “bad enough” to count.

But here’s the truth:If it hurt you, it matters.If you’re carrying it, you deserve to let it go.

It’s hard because your brain and body are used to surviving—not thriving. And surviving taught you to stay quiet, to stay small, to stay busy taking care of everyone else.

Healing feels selfish when you’ve been taught to ignore your own needs. But it’s not selfish—it’s necessary.

Why Healing Takes Time (and That’s a Good Thing)

Think of healing like rebuilding a house after a storm. You don’t just slap on paint and move back in. You clear the debris. You check for mold and rot. You reinforce the foundation. You install things that weren’t safe before.

You don’t rush that process, because you want the new house to last.

The same is true for your healing.

You Might Struggle—And That’s Okay

Some days you’ll fall back into old habits. You’ll say yes when you mean no. You’ll beat yourself up. You’ll let fear take over.

That doesn’t mean you failed.

It means you’re human. You’ve spent years—maybe even decades—doing what you had to do just to get by. Now you’re doing something new. And new things take practice.

The goal isn’t to be perfect. The goal is to keep showing up for yourself, even when it’s hard.

Support on Your Journey

You don’t have to figure out healing on your own. Whether you're just waking up to your pain or already on your way, I offer one-on-one support through Next Step Coaching—a goal-focused way to help you grow stronger and take real steps toward healing.

Together, we use SMART goals to turn healing into something you can see, measure, and feel. Let’s get you unstuck—and moving forward.

FOR MORE INFORMATION

[Book a Next Step Coaching Session Now – You don’t have to stay stuck.]

Healing & Journaling Tool: “What Healing Could Look Like for Me”

Prompt: Write a list of what real healing could look like in your life.

• What habits would you change or stop?

• What would peace feel like in your body and home?

• What kind of support would you accept if you believed you deserved it?

Let this list become a vision—not of perfection, but of possibility.

(This prompt will be saved to your healing journal document.)

You Don’t Have to Have It All Figured Out

Healing isn’t a straight line. Some days you’ll feel strong, and some days you’ll fall apart. That’s normal. That’s real. That’s part of the process.

You are not behind.

You are not broken.

You are doing the work—and that is enough.

Keep going. The life you want is built one honest step at a time.