Learning to Sit with Your Feelings Instead of Running from Them
Updated: Sep 29
Most of us were never taught how to sit with our feelings. We were taught to hide them, to push them down, or to cover them with busyness and smiles. We learned to keep it together, to be strong, to “get over it.” But the truth is, what we bury stays alive — it just finds new ways to come out later.
For years, I ran from my emotions because feeling them was too painful. I filled my life with activity, responsibilities, and distractions. I worked, volunteered, helped everyone else, and told myself I was fine. But deep down, I was exhausted. I wasn’t fine. I was numb.
It wasn’t until my life got quiet — after divorce, after the kids were grown, after the busy stopped — that I realized all those feelings I’d avoided were still there, waiting to be felt.
Why We Run From Our Feelings
Running feels safer.
Pain makes us uncomfortable. Grief, anger, fear, guilt — they all demand attention we don’t feel ready to give. It’s easier to scroll, clean, work, eat, or overcommit than to sit in silence and listen to our hearts.
But avoiding emotions doesn’t make them go away. It just delays healing.
When you sit with your feelings — really sit with them — something powerful happens. You start to understand them. They lose control over you because you stop running.
Feeling Isn’t Weakness — It’s Healing
I used to think crying was weakness. Growing up, there wasn’t much space for emotion in our house. You got up, kept moving, and dealt with life. So when pain came, I shoved it down and pretended it didn’t hurt.
But John Gray once said, “You have to feel it to heal it.” That phrase became my spine. It was like permission to stop pretending.
When I started letting myself feel to grieve, to get angry, to cry, I realized those feelings didn’t break me. They freed me. They helped me understand why I reacted the way I did and what I needed to heal.
Feelings are messengers. They tell you what’s wrong, what’s missing, what’s hurting, and what’s waiting to grow.
My Turning Point
After my divorce, I spent so much time being strong that I didn’t notice how empty I felt. Then one day, I just stopped running.
I sat in my quiet house, and the silence was deafening. All the pain I’d been avoiding came rushing out — sadness, betrayal, anger, loneliness. I thought I was falling apart. But looking back, I was finally coming together.
You can’t heal from what you refuse to face. And once I allowed myself to sit with the pain, I could finally start letting it go.
How to Sit with Your Feelings
Find a safe space. Somewhere quiet where you can be honest without judgment.
Name what you feel. “I’m sad.” “I’m angry.” “I’m disappointed.” Naming it takes away its mystery.
Let your body respond. Cry, scream, journal, pray, or take a walk. Don’t bottle it up.
Ask what your feelings are trying to tell you. Maybe you need rest. Maybe you need closure. Maybe you need grace.
Give yourself compassion. Talk to yourself like you would a hurting friend.
End with hope. Don’t stay stuck in the feeling — remind yourself that it’s temporary and you’re growing through it.
What You Can Try Today
Write down what emotion you’ve been avoiding most and why.
Spend ten minutes sitting quietly — no phone, no distractions — and let your thoughts flow.
If you cry, let yourself. Tears are cleansing, not weakness.
Pray for peace, not perfection.
Journal about one emotion that keeps returning. What does it need you to hear?
Take a walk in nature to help your body release what your heart is holding.
Listen to music that matches your mood — it helps you process.
Tell yourself, “It’s okay to feel this.”
Remember a time you faced pain before and survived. You’ll survive this too.
End the day with gratitude for your courage to face what’s inside.
The Gift of Stillness
Sitting with your feelings isn’t comfortable, but it’s where true healing begins.
You learn that you’re not broken — you’re human. You learn that sadness won’t destroy you, and anger won’t define you. You learn that you can handle more than you thought you could.
Most of all, you learn that peace doesn’t come from avoiding pain. It comes from facing it — feeling it — and letting it move through you.
Where to Go From Here
Whatever part of this post hit home, there is a place for you here. At Surviving Life Lessons, we believe in life survivors helping life strugglers. Our Personal Growth and Healing group is a place to grow with others on the same path, and our Self-Esteem & Confidence Support Group can help you rebuild how you see yourself. You can also browse our Community Groups Catalog to find every group that fits where you are right now.
Your Story Matters
We need your nice comments below! Your thoughts, experiences, and lessons learned might be exactly what someone else needs to hear today.
Drop a comment, Say Hello, and join the conversation.
Need More Personalized Support?
Everyone's journey is unique. If you're looking for personalized guidance, encouragement, or one-on-one support, explore our services to find the option that's right for you. We're here to help you take your next step with confidence and hope.
Helpful Resources for Your Journey
Explore our collection of books, journals, coloring books, and printable PDFs designed to encourage, inspire, and support you every step of the way.
More healing tools: Healing Tools for Emotional Wellness | Self-Help Glossary
About the Author:
Deborah Ann Martin is the founder of Surviving Life Lessons, a published author, poet, speaker, and trainer with over 20 years of management experience across multiple industries. An MBA graduate, U.S. veteran, single mother, and rare cancer survivor, Deborah brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her writing on resilience, leadership, personal growth, and overcoming adversity. Her mission is to empower others with practical wisdom and real-life insight to navigate life’s challenges with strength and purpose.
.png){kind=small}
Comments