When You Don’t Like the Person in the Mirror
- Deborah Ann Martin
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
There are moments in life when you look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person staring back. Maybe it’s from years of being told you’re not enough, or maybe it’s from carrying the weight of guilt, shame, and exhaustion. You see the wrinkles from stress, the tired eyes from sleepless nights, and the version of yourself that’s survived too much.
I remember those moments.
For me, it started in childhood — the years of being made to feel unwanted and unworthy. My mother didn’t like me. Nothing I did ever seemed good enough. My father’s words cut deep, and home was a place where love had limits. Add to that the pain of being sexually abused as a child, and I grew up believing the lie that I was damaged.
At school, I didn’t fit in either. Poor kid, smart classes, wrong clothes. The mirror became my enemy because it showed me everything I thought was broken.
As an adult, life added layers — divorce, betrayal, and eventually cancer. Each event chipped away a little more of who I thought I was, until one day I realized I wasn’t sure who I even wanted to be anymore. I was doing everything for everyone else and couldn’t remember what I liked or what made me happy.
That’s when my real self-discovery began.
Facing the Person You’ve Avoided
The hardest part of healing isn’t forgiving others — it’s facing yourself.
It means standing in front of the mirror and admitting that you’re tired of hating the person staring back. It means saying, “I’ve been through hell, and I still deserve love.”
Healing doesn’t start with perfection; it starts with honesty.
I had to admit that I didn’t like who I was, not because I was bad, but because I was carrying too many old voices telling me who I should be. They weren’t mine. They were echoes from people who hurt me — and I had mistaken them for truth.
Learning to See Through New Eyes
When I began writing poetry, journaling, and rebuilding my faith, something slowly shifted. Instead of focusing on everything I thought was wrong with me, I started noticing the small things that were right.
I saw compassion in my eyes — the same eyes that once looked down in shame. I saw strength in my body — the same one that survived illness and heartbreak. I saw a survivor who kept showing up.
And little by little, the mirror became less of a judge and more of a friend.
Steps That Helped Me Reconnect with Myself
I wrote the truth. No filters, no pretending. Just raw honesty on paper.
I talked to God instead of hiding from Him. I told Him all of it — the anger, the hurt, the shame.
I started talking kindly to myself. I said things like, “You did the best you could then. You know better now.”
I gave myself permission to change. I realized the girl who survived didn’t have to be the woman who stayed in pain.
I surrounded myself with encouragers. People who reminded me of my worth when I couldn’t see it myself.
What You Can Try Today
Look in the mirror and name three things you appreciate about yourself — physical, emotional, or spiritual.
Write a list of the negative labels you’ve carried and cross them out. Replace each with a truth that reflects who you are now.
Find one old wound that still hurts and pray about it. Ask God to help you see it through His eyes, not your pain.
Do one small act of kindness for yourself today — a walk, a favorite meal, or just resting without guilt.
Remind yourself that healing doesn’t erase scars — it shows where the light got in.
You Are Still Becoming
You may not love everything you see yet, but that’s okay. You’re not finished. You’re rebuilding.
The person in the mirror has survived every single bad day. They’ve grown, endured, and kept showing up. That’s worth loving.
So, when you catch your reflection tomorrow, whisper this truth: “I am not my past. I am becoming someone I can finally love.”
Support on Your Journey
Healing gets lighter when you walk with others who understand. Join one of our Surviving Life Lessons Community Groups, safe spaces where stories connect, encouragement flows, and support is mutual.
Every group is unique, but they all share one mission: to help people grow stronger together. You’ll find a place where your story matters where you can both receive and give hope.
Find your group today and start building a community that helps you keep standing—no matter what life brings.
When life feels heavy, you don’t always need advice, but you just need someone to care. That’s what Neighbor Chat is for.
We’re not doctors, lawyers, or counselors. We’re just real people—neighbors who listen without judgment and offer space to breathe . Whether you’re struggling, processing, or just need to talk, you’ll be met with empathy and kindness.
It’s not therapy. It’s a connection. Because sometimes, being heard is where healing begins.
Schedule your Neighbor Chat today and experience what it feels like to simply be listened to.
Because healing happens best in connection with yourself, and with others who understand.
Wix SEO Metadata
Focus Keyword: when you don’t like the person in the mirror
SEO Title: When You Don’t Like the Person in the Mirror: Starting the Journey Back to Self-Love
Slug: when-you-dont-like-the-person-in-the-mirror
Meta Description: Learn how to reconnect with yourself when self-hate and shame take over. Discover how honesty, grace, and faith help you rebuild self-worth.
Excerpt: You can’t heal what you won’t face. Learn how to look in the mirror and begin seeing the person you were always meant to love.
Tags: self-discovery, self-love, healing, emotional resilience, faith, forgiveness
Alt Text: Woman looking at her reflection with soft light, symbolizing healing and self-acceptance
Category: Self-Discovery
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