Forgiving Yourself for Not Knowing Better Before

There’s a kind of pain that hides under the surface — not from what others did to you, but from what you did to yourself when you didn’t know better.

It’s the ache of replaying old choices, wishing you could take back the words, undo the mistakes, or rewrite parts of your life. It’s the sting of guilt that lingers long after the lesson has been learned.

For a long time, I lived there — trapped between regret and shame. I’d think about the people I hurt, the years I lost, and the times I didn’t speak up. I’d tell myself, “You should have known better.” But the truth was, I couldn’t have. Not then.

You can’t live with the wisdom of today while judging the person you were yesterday.

Self-trust isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up.

The Person You Were Was Doing Their Best

When I look back at who I was — the woman who stayed too long in a bad marriage, the one who let people use her kindness, the one who believed lies about her worth — I see someone doing the best she could with the knowledge and strength she had at the time.

That version of me didn’t know what she knows now.

She hadn’t healed yet. She hadn’t found her voice yet. She hadn’t learned that peace was an option.

It’s easy to look back through the lens of who you’ve become and feel frustrated with who you were. But growth means recognizing that you needed to be that person in order to become this one..

Letting Go of the “Should Haves”

We all carry a bag full of “should haves.”

I should have left sooner.

I should have spoken up.

I should have loved myself more.

I should have tried harder.

But “should” is the language of shame.

Every time you use it, you tell yourself that you weren’t enough — and that’s simply not true.

Instead of “I should have,” try “Now I know.”

That small shift turns guilt into growth.

What Forgiveness Looks Like

Forgiving yourself doesn’t mean excusing what happened. It means releasing the punishment.

You’ve already paid the price — through sleepless nights, overthinking, tears, and heartache. You’ve carried it long enough.

Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself to finally put the weight down.

When I began to forgive myself, I felt peace where pain used to live. I realized God had forgiven me long before I forgave myself. And if the Creator of the universe can let it go, who am I to keep holding on?

Steps That Helped Me Forgive Myself

1. I prayed honestly. I told God what I regretted and asked for help releasing it.

2. I named the mistakes. You can’t heal what you won’t face.

3. I wrote letters I never sent. I forgave myself for what I didn’t know.

4. I replaced regret with lessons. Every mistake had a message.

5. I practiced gratitude. For growth, wisdom, and second chances.

6. I let others forgive me. When people showed me grace, I stopped rejecting it.

7. I reminded myself: “I am no longer that person.”

What You Can Try Today

1. Write down something you still blame yourself for. Then write what you’ve learned from it.

2. Say out loud, “I forgive myself for not knowing better then.”

3. Talk to God about your guilt — and let Him remind you of His mercy.

4. Replace every “should have” with “I’ve grown since then.”

5. Look at how your pain helped shape your purpose.

6. Thank your past self for surviving what you didn’t think you could.

7. Tear up or burn a note of your guilt — as a physical release.

8. Read a Bible verse about grace and claim it for yourself.

9. Share a lesson learned with someone who needs it — turn your regret into light.

10. End your day saying, “I forgive me.”

Grace Wins Every Time

If you’re still breathing, God still has plans for you. He’s not asking you to be perfect — just to keep growing.

Forgiving yourself doesn’t erase what happened, but it releases you from being chained to it.

The person you were back then deserves love too — because without them, you wouldn’t have become the person you are now.

So stop punishing yourself for being human. You’re allowed to outgrow your old mistakes. You’re allowed to be proud of your progress.

And most of all, you’re allowed to live free.

Support on Your Journey

If you’d like connection and encouragement, I invite you to become part of the survivinglifelessons community groups where we share openly, support one another, and walk this journey together. You don’t have to do this alone.

JOIN A GROUP

Also, if you ever need someone to talk with —just a friendly ear, not a counselor —check out our Neighbor Chat service. This is a place where people listen, share, and connect about whatever topic is on your mind every day. Because sometimes all you need is to simply be heard.

VISIT OUR NEIGHBOR CHAT

So here’s to you—the person showing up for themselves, step by step. Here’s to the friend you are becoming to yourself. The journey won’t always be easy. But it will always be worth it. And I’ll be cheering you on every step of the way.

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• SEO Title: Forgiving Yourself for Not Knowing Better Before

• Slug: forgiving-yourself-for-not-knowing-better-before

• Meta Description: Learn how to let go of guilt and shame by forgiving yourself for not knowing better before. Find healing through grace, faith, and growth.

• Excerpt: You can’t heal while punishing yourself for what you didn’t know. Learn how to forgive yourself and find freedom in grace.

• Tags: self-discovery, forgiveness, self-love, faith, healing, emotional growth

• Alt Text: Woman holding a journal and smiling softly, symbolizing self-forgiveness and healing

Category: Self-Discovery