Holidays After Divorce: Dealing with the Other Parent Giving Lavish Gifts When You Can't Compete

Your presence is more meaningful than presents.

When the other parent gives lavish gifts, and you’re just trying to survive.

The tree goes up. The commercials roll in. Your child starts listing off everything they want for Christmas this year, and in the back of your mind, you hear that nagging voice:

"How am I supposed to compete with that?"

Maybe your ex is showering them with extravagant gifts: the newest phone, concert tickets, designer sneakers. And there you are, feeling like you're scraping together enough for a few small things from the clearance aisle.

This is one of the hardest parts of post-divorce parenting. Trying to create the magic of the holidays when you feel like the "less fun" parent can leave you feeling deflated and frustrated.

But here's the most important thing to know:

You’re not alone. And more importantly, you are not failing.

The Pain Behind the Presents

Let’s be honest for a moment. When you see your ex show up with gifts you can’t afford, it’s normal to feel:

• Inadequate

• Embarrassed

• Angry

• Competitive

• Powerless

And when your child runs to you excitedly saying, “Look what I got from Dad!” or “Mom’s taking me to Disney!” it can hurt. You smile and say, “That’s great, honey,” but deep down, it stings.

This blog isn’t about shaming your ex. It’s about reclaiming your worth, redefining the meaning of holiday magic, and helping your kids see that love isn’t measured in price tags.

Why Kids Need Presence More Than Presents

Kids get excited about gifts; there’s no doubt about that. But years from now, they won’t remember every present they got. They will remember how they felt. 

They’ll recall:

• Who spent time with them

• Who listened

• Who made them laugh

• Who sat at the table with them, eating pancakes in pajamas

  
  

The holidays can still feel magical even when your budget doesn’t stretch as far as your ex’s. In fact, those quiet, simpler moments often create the most cherished memories.

When Your Ex Gives More... and Uses It as Leverage

Sometimes, the gifts aren’t just generous—they’re manipulative.

A shiny new game system or the latest tech gadget might come with subtle (or not-so-subtle) comments like:

• “You should just live with me full time.”

• “See how much better things are over here?”

• “Don’t tell your mom how much this cost.”

This can create emotional conflict for your child, and it may leave you feeling powerless or frustrated.

If you’re in this situation:

• Reassure your child that love isn’t a contest. Gifts can be fun, but they don't measure affection.

• Avoid criticizing your ex in front of your child. Let them process things on their own without feeling guilty about your perspective.

• Stay consistent—the safest parent is the one who remains emotionally stable, even when things get tense.

• If the manipulation becomes excessive or legally concerning, document your concerns. This might be important down the line, especially in cases where your child’s emotional well-being is at risk.

Creating Magic on a Budget

You don’t need to max out your credit card to make the holidays meaningful. What truly creates magic isn’t the size of the gift, but the thoughtfulness and love behind it.

Here are a few ideas to help you create magic without breaking the bank:

1. Handmade Coupon Books

   • Make a fun, personalized set of “coupons” for your child, like:

     • One movie night with popcorn

     • Pick dinner one night

     • Stay up 30 minutes late

     • A game night of their choice

     • A one-on-one date with mom or dad

   
   

   These experiences create memories and connections, something no gadget can replicate.

   
   

2. Affordable Memory-Making Activities

   • Bake and decorate cookies together

   • Drive to see neighborhood lights with cocoa in the car

   • Build a blanket fort and watch a holiday movie

   • Make handmade decorations or DIY photo ornaments with pictures of your favorite moments from this year

     
     

3. Thrifted or Pre-Loved Gifts

   • You’d be surprised how many amazing gifts you can find on Facebook Marketplace, thrift stores, or Buy Nothing groups. Many kids don’t know or care where it came from—if it’s wrapped with love, it feels special.

     
     

4. One Thoughtful Gift + One Experience

   • Instead of giving lots of gifts, focus on quality, not quantity.

   • Give one meaningful gift, like a book, an art set, or a small tech item.

   • Pair it with an experience: “This Friday is our baking day together!” Shifting the focus from stuff to connection makes it much more memorable.

   • 
     

   

   Your love is the glue that holds family traditions together.

Reframing Your Role

Sometimes it's hard to remember this when the other parent gives lavish gifts. Emotionally, it's hard, and the other parent can make you feel small. However, you are not the “boring” or “less fun” parent. You are the steady one, the soft landing, the safe space. At the end of the day, you are the glue that is holding your children together.

Instead of trying to match your ex’s extravagance, focus on matching your values. Show your kids that love doesn’t come with a receipt.

Remind them that:

• “In our home, we celebrate by being together.”

• “Love doesn’t come with a price tag.”

• “You are worth more than anything money can buy.”

• “Some of the best memories cost nothing.”

Kids may not always say it, but they will remember.

Final Thoughts: The Power of Your Presence

It’s easy to get caught up in the material side of the holidays, especially when your ex is playing “Santa Claus,” and you feel like the “less exciting” parent. But what your kids need most is your presence.

Don’t compare your holiday to theirs. Don’t let the gifts they get distract you from the love you’re giving. Your kids will remember the moments of connection, the laughter, the warmth of being together.

No matter the budget, you can create a magical holiday—one that’s filled with love, thoughtfulness, and memories that last much longer than any gift could.

You don’t need to compete with the price tag. You just need to show up, with your heart and your time.

And that’s the kind of magic your kids will cherish forever.

What You Can Try Today

As you navigate through the holidays, try one or more of the suggestions below:

• Write down 3 things your kids love doing with you (not buying).

• Make a list of 5 low-cost memory-making activities you can try this week.

• Choose one message to repeat this season: “We celebrate with love, not stuff.”

• Create a handmade card or ornament to give your child with a note from the heart.

• Say this to yourself: “I am not competing—I’m connecting.”

You’re Not Alone in This

The holidays aren’t about keeping up—they’re about slowing down and staying grounded in what matters. If you're feeling discouraged, know this:

You don’t have to spend more to be enough. You don’t have to buy love. You’re already doing the hard, beautiful work of showing up.

JOIN A GROUP

At Surviving Life Lessons, our community is here for the parents who feel invisible behind the glitter. You are not forgotten. You are enough.