Holidays After Divorce: Coping When the Kids Are with the Other Parent
- Deborah Ann Martin
- Nov 24
- 5 min read
What to do when you're home alone and hurting on Holidays after a Divorce.
The first holiday without your kids is like a freight train hitting you full force.
You had imagined their little hands tearing open gifts, their voices filling the house with excitement, and the joy of holiday routines you once shared. But now, the house is eerily silent. Your arms feel empty. And every “Merry Christmas” feels like it wasn’t meant for you.
This moment, when the silence is deafening, and you’re left to face the day without your children, is one of the hardest parts of divorce. And one that’s rarely talked about. But I will talk about it, because I’ve lived it. I know what it’s like to feel like grief wrapped in tinsel, and I want to offer you some support and understanding during this tough time.
When You’re Alone on the Holidays
The reality for many single parents during the holidays looks like this:
You wake up to an empty house instead of the excitement of kids running through the halls.
You scroll through social media and feel like the only person not surrounded by joy.
You wonder if your kids are missing you or if they’re so caught up in the festivities at the other house that they’ve forgotten.
You feel like a bystander in your own family’s story, like you’re the one who’s been left behind.
You long for normal. But "normal" doesn’t exist anymore.
You might even feel resentment creeping in—at your ex, your circumstances, or yourself.
This kind of grief isn’t just sadness. It’s disorientation. It’s like a holiday hangover of lost expectations and raw loneliness.
And yet, you’re not failing. You’re grieving.
You’re Not Failing—You’re Grieving
The pain of being alone on a day designed for togetherness is real. But it doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re human. And, just like any other loss, you’re allowed to feel all of it.
You’re allowed to:
Feel sad.
Feel angry.
Feel like this isn’t how it was supposed to be.
And here’s the tough part: you’re also allowed to feel joy, even when your kids aren’t with you, even when your heart aches.
The holidays don’t have to be all-or-nothing. You can feel the pain and still find moments of light.
Ways to Cope When the Kids Are With the Other Parent
This isn’t about pretending the pain goes away. It’s about finding ways to create space for healing, even amidst the quiet. Here are a few ways you can get through the day without feeling overwhelmed by sadness.
1. Plan Your Day with Purpose
The worst thing you can do is sit around waiting for the day to pass. Give your day some shape, even if it’s small.
Some ideas:
Volunteer: Check out local shelters, toy drives, or soup kitchens. Helping others can fill you up in ways you can’t expect.
Take a solo day trip: Go somewhere peaceful—a park, a small town, or a scenic spot you love. Even just a walk in the woods can ground you.
Cook your favorite meal: Even if you don’t feel like it, making something you love can bring a small sense of comfort.
Watch a feel-good movie marathon: Curl up with a blanket and dive into some nostalgic movies that make you laugh or bring back good memories.
Reach out to someone who gets it: Call a friend or family member who understands your grief. Sometimes, just talking about it can help.
You don’t need to "fill" the day. You just need to give it structure so it doesn’t swallow you whole.
2. Choose One New Thing
When you’re grieving, it can feel like you’re stuck in the past. But this day doesn’t have to be about “what was.” It can be about what’s possible going forward.
Start a new tradition: Something simple like lighting a candle and writing your kids a letter, or beginning a gratitude jar. These small rituals can help bring meaning to an otherwise difficult day.
Do something brave: Try something new that you’ve always wanted to do, like going to a restaurant by yourself or walking into a new social event. It’s a way of reclaiming power in your own life.
Take one step of growth: If you’re up for it, even doing something small that challenges you can make a huge difference in how you see yourself through this season.
3. Avoid the Social Media Trap
It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap. Everyone’s posting pictures of their families, their perfectly decorated homes, and their joyful celebrations. But remember: Social media is a highlight reel, not the whole picture.
Protect your peace: Put your phone down if it’s making you feel worse. If you must scroll, follow people who are real, who talk about the tough stuff too.
Give yourself grace: It’s okay to step back from the digital world for a while. Take time to focus on what’s real for you right now.
4. Stay Off the Guilt Train
It’s natural to feel guilty when your kids aren’t with you. But you are not a bad parent because your kids aren’t there on this one day. They’re not forgetting you, and you don’t need to “make it up to them.”
Parenting is a lifetime, not just one holiday.
One day apart doesn’t erase the love and care you’ve given. In fact, it can make the next time you hug them even sweeter.
5. Make Space for Hope
Even in the deepest parts of grief, there is room for hope. Try this simple exercise to help bring a little light to your day:
Write down three things you’re proud of this year, no matter how small they seem.
Write down three things you want to do next holiday season. What can you plan now to make the next holiday better, even in small ways?
Write down three people who care about you. Who can you lean on in this moment of grief?
Hope is like a muscle. It gets stronger when you choose to build it—even on the hard days.
A Final Thought: You’re Not Alone
Spending the holidays alone, or feeling left out, is one of the hardest parts of divorce that no one really talks about. But you are not alone. Other people have walked this path, and while your journey is unique, there is a shared understanding of this deep grief.
It’s okay to feel hurt. It’s okay to miss the “old” holidays. But remember, you don’t have to do it all alone. There are people who care, and more than that, you can find healing—even on the hardest days.
So, let yourself grieve. Let yourself rest. And most importantly, let yourself hope for brighter days ahead. The future holds more joy, and more moments of peace than you can see right now. You are stronger than you know.
What You Can Try Today
This isn’t about fixing everything. Just trying something small.
Write your kids a letter to give them next time you see them
Make a plan for the day they’re away (even if it’s just a movie and cocoa)
Text a friend and say: “I don’t want to be alone today. Want to grab coffee?”
List 3 ways this year challenged you—and 3 ways you grew
Say this aloud: “I am still a good parent. I am still loved. I am allowed to smile.”
You’re Not Alone in This
Even if the house is quiet, your life is not empty. You’re not forgotten. You’re not invisible. You are a good parent going through a hard moment.
And you will make it through.
If you need a place to talk, cry, or just breathe, join our support group. There’s no judgment—just real people who understand.
Come join us.
You don’t have to navigate the holidays alone.
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