Welcome to Our Self-Discovery Journey
- Deborah Ann Martin
- 6 days ago
- 6 min read
Lost, unworthy, or unloved—this is where rebuilding begins
There are moments in life when you look in the mirror and ask, "Who am I, really?" For many of us, that moment doesn’t come from success or celebration. It comes after being broken—emotionally, mentally, and sometimes spiritually. It comes after betrayal, after trauma, after being told you’re not enough for far too long.
This blog is for those moments. For those people. For people like me. People like you.
This is the start of a self-discovery journey that’s about rebuilding self-worth from the ground up—not with fluff, but with truth. You won’t find perfection here. You’ll find real stories, real tools, and a real community committed to healing.
Why I Needed a Self-Discovery Journey
I grew up smart—but poor. I was a smart kid in a struggling neighborhood. I was a poor kid in college prep classes. I was like the main character Eliza Doolittle, a flower girl, in My Fair Lady. After she was transformed by Henry Higgens, she was no longer a street rat but a fine and proper lady. She didn't fit into either world. I didn't fit into either of those worlds.
Home wasn’t a safe place either. I had a narcissistic mother who didn’t like me and wasn’t shy about showing it. My dad didn’t call me by name. He called me by labels—ugly ones. He ignored me unless he needed to punish or needed me to do something for him. I started working at 14, not to save for college or my spending money, but because my parents expected my paycheck. They used shame and guilt to get it. It was never really mine.
By the time I was a teenager, my self-esteem was already wrecked. But I kept pushing forward because that’s what survivors do—we move, we try harder. But no one ever taught me how to actually heal.
The Start of Healing
When I joined the Navy out of high school, I wish I could say that I fit into that world. I went in unrated and became a Boatswainmate. The jack-of-all trades of the Navy. I loved the learning but I went in at a time where sexual harrassment and the old Navy brassness was the everyday life. I had already lived with ugly my whole life, so this was normal. What wasn't normal was when my family dealt with the tragic death of my sister. It left my sister dead, my brother with plates in his brain, his girlfriend in a coma and disfigured, my 5-year-old niece and 1-year-old nephew motherless, and the other people in the car with their own injuries.
I held it together around my family. I stayed strong, composed. But when I returned to my duty station and stood watch, something in me broke. I cried—uncontrollably—for four straight hours. I hadn’t cried before, and suddenly, I couldn’t stop. I lost it. I felt like I really lost it.
My fellow shipmates noticed and gently encouraged me to see a guidance counselor on base. That conversation changed everything. For the first time, I began opening up about my life.
Years later, I don’t remember every detail of those sessions, but I’ll never forget the sense of relief that came with sharing my story. One day, during a session, the counselor and I began talking about faith. She spoke of Jesus as the Prince of Peace and how we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.
Then she asked me a question: “Do you believe you’re a child of God?”
I nodded and said, “Yes.”
She smiled gently. “What is a child of a king called?”
I paused, then answered, “A princess.”
Her smile widened. “So, if you are a child of the King… what does that make you?”
And in that moment, with tears in my eyes, I whispered back, “I’m a princess.”
It was the first time I felt truly positive about who I was.
I Married the Mirror of My Pain
I didn’t marry a partner. I married someone who reflected the brokenness I carried from childhood. My husband was like my parents. I tried to do things to please him, but nothing I did was good enough. Everything was always my fault. He never apologized in almost 25 years of marriage. He drank, he cheated, and he spent years addicted to an online game called Second Life, where his avatar had “relationships” with multiple women. From sunup to sundown, he lived in that digital world—and then tried to make it his reality. For him, I was never enough.
Eventually, he left with his mistress, who is now his wife. She was more his type than I was. When he walked out, I was left to pick up the pieces of a broken marriage and the pieces of a shattered version of myself that I didn’t even recognize anymore.
What I Learned: You Don’t Find Yourself, You Rebuild Her
People always say, “I need to find myself.” But here’s the truth: we’re not lost. We’ve been buried.
Under other people’s opinions.Under trauma.Under abuse.Under silence.Under survival.
You don’t find the real you. You rebuild her. Brick by brick. And that’s what this self-discovery blog is about.
What You’ll Find in This Blog
This blog is your invitation to take your power back, without pretending it never hurt.
Here’s what we’ll talk about:
Rebuilding self-esteem after it’s been crushed by family, partners, or even society
Understanding emotional abuse—especially the kind that doesn’t leave bruises
Healing childhood wounds that you were told to “just get over”
Learning boundaries when you were never allowed to have any
Forgiveness—what it is, what it’s not, and how to give it without giving yourself away
Finding your voice after being silenced for years
Redefining your worth based on who you are, not what others think
Each post will dive into one part of the healing journey. I’ll share parts of my story and give you real steps, tools, and questions to ask yourself. You are not alone in this.
Who This Blog Is For
This blog is for you if:
You’re healing from a narcissistic parent or partner
You’ve been called names so long that you started believing them
You feel stuck in survival mode but want more from life
You’re tired of performing strength and want to feel it for real
You’ve lost yourself, but you’re ready to rebuild
It doesn’t matter how far gone you feel. If you’re here, there’s hope.
Self-Discovery Is Not a Luxury—It’s a Lifeline
People often think of self-discovery as something for people with time, money, or energy to “figure themselves out.” But when you’ve been emotionally abused, neglected, or traumatized, self-discovery is the best version of you.
It’s learning who you are when no one ever lets you be. It’s about finding peace in your own skin. It’s rewriting the story that shame tried to tattoo on your soul.
You’re not too late. You’re right on time.
Support on Your Journey: You're Not Alone Here
At Surviving Life Lessons, we don’t just blog—we build community. You don’t have to do this alone.
Here’s how you can walk this self-discovery journey with us:
1. Join a Support Group
Whether you’re healing from divorce, childhood trauma, or emotional abuse, we have a group where survivors help strugglers. There’s power in being seen, heard, and believed. Join more than one group. Life doesn't give us one problem, it gives us a lot. As you overcome, encourage others. Your story matters.
2. Try Neighbor Talk Coaching
Sometimes you don’t need a life plan—you just need someone to talk to. Neighbor Talk is casual conversation coaching where you can show up as you are. When you think of Neighbor Talk, think about going next door to your neighbor's house and drinking coffee while you chat about life.
3. Take Action with Next Step Coaching
Want to go deeper and make real changes? Next Step Coaching helps you set SMART goals and move forward—at your pace, with real support.
Healing & Journaling Tool: “My First Brick”
Use this tool to identify the first piece of yourself you want to rebuild.
Journal Prompt: What part of you got silenced, ignored, or shut down growing up, or in your relationship? What’s one small step you can take this week to honor that part of you again?
You can write about:
A dream you gave up
A boundary you never had
A truth you swallowed to keep peace
Save it. We’re building from here.
You’re Worth the Work
Self-discovery isn’t easy, but you’re not here for the easy. You’re here for real. And I’m honored to walk this road with you. In a fast-paced society, some things still take time. Self-discovery takes time. In the end, you get the best authentic version of yourself.
Every blog post, every resource, every coaching session is built to remind you:
You are not too broken to begin again.
Welcome to the journey home to yourself.
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