Disconnected: How the No Contact Culture Is Changing Our Communities

Crowded streets, empty connections—how silence is changing our communities

Growing up, I knew what it was like to live without a deep sense of heritage. My Italian mom was adopted. And on my dad's side, I only knew mainly my grandparents, uncles, and a handful of cousins. That meant I didn’t have the kind of big extended family you see in movies or hear about in old stories.

I didn’t know where I came from in a cultural sense. I didn’t have the family recipes passed down from great-grandparents, the traditions celebrated year after year, or the old stories that give you a sense of belonging. That changed when I found myself embraced by a strong Italian community in Clarksburg, West Virginia. They weren’t related to me by blood, but they taught me something priceless: the power of a connected community.

Neighbors shared meals, friends became family, and you could count on the people around you to show up in good times and bad. When I got diagnosed with cancer, I had regular meals delivered to the house despite it being the beginning of COVID. My neighbors across the street helped me mow the lawn and shovel snow in the winter. I had friends who called daily, some weekly, and others monthly just to check on my status, to see if I needed something, and to pray for me. This is just one example of how they embraced me.

This was my first time being honored in a parade.

Clarksburg, WV, has an Italian Festival every Memorial Day weekend. Throughout the year, they bring together a community to teach them about the Italian heritage. I had the privilege of being a guest speaker at their Meet the Authors in their weeklong Italian Celebration. My grandchildren, who illustrated the Kid Moments Series, and I were honored in the parade. We rode in a beautiful mustang.

I grew up in a small town where everyone knew you. We had a sense of community there. But when you learn about your heritage and the culture, that sense of belonging wasn’t just comforting — it was life-changing.

Today, I see something different happening. Families are pulling apart, neighbors barely know each other, and more and more people are choosing “no contact,” cutting off communication with family members altogether. What used to be rare is becoming normal.

The question is… at what cost?

Wake Up, World — We’re Pulling Apart

Something big is happening, and most people aren’t talking about it. Families are breaking apart. Not just in small arguments or holiday spats, but in a way that is leaving deep cracks in our communities.

More and more people are choosing “no contact” with their parents, children, or siblings. No phone calls. No birthday cards. No texts. No visits. Sometimes for years. Sometimes forever. When someone chooses "no contact" with family, it’s more than just their individual story.

For some, "no contact" is a necessary act of self-protection after years of abuse or toxic treatment. Those stories are real, and those boundaries matter. But for others, “no contact” has become the first tool in the box — a quick response to conflict, political disagreements, lifestyle choices, or unresolved misunderstandings. According to the Pew Research Center, family estrangement has become more common in recent years, and the pandemic only made things worse. Lockdowns, political divides, and the stress of daily life all played a part in breaking communication between loved ones.

This is no longer a rare problem—it’s part of our culture now.

Either way, the ripple effects go far beyond the two people in the conflict. The silence has repercussions that spread outward to neighbors, extended family, friend groups, churches, schools, workplaces and affect future generations.

And here’s the hard truth: If we keep going this way, we won’t just have broken families. We’ll have broken towns, broken neighborhoods, and a broken sense of “we”. The big question is, what are we teaching the children about conflict resolution?

This isn’t just about your family or mine. It’s about the future of how we care for each other.

The Problems "No Contact” Creates Beyond the Home

As the silence epidemic sweeps into our homes and communities, we must open the doors to expose the devastating effects. When a family member goes no contact, it’s not just one relationship that changes—it’s like pulling a thread from a sweater. Before long, the whole thing can start to unravel.

Example: Brother and Sister get into a bad argument. They stop talking to each other. Parents try to stay neutral but have their own opinion. They take sides. Now it's a holiday. The family doesn't go to the traditional grandparents' Christmas dinner because they don't want to see each other.

This is just a small start to give an example of how one conflict starts to unravel the family.

But according to studies on family relationships, the impact of no contact spills into every corner of life, affecting not only the people involved but also neighbors, schools, workplaces, and even healthcare systems.

Here are some examples

1. Older Adults Left on Their Own

In healthy families, adult children help their aging parents — driving them to the doctor, reminding them to take their medicine, checking on them after a storm. When those ties are cut, that safety net disappears.

Imagine an elderly woman living alone. Her only daughter hasn’t spoken to her in five years. She gets dizzy one afternoon but doesn’t call anyone, because there is no one to call. She waits it out, alone, hoping it will pass. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn’t.

Loneliness in older age isn’t just sad — it’s dangerous. It raises the risk of depression, memory problems, falls, and even early death. Without family, many older adults end up relying on overworked public services or neighbors they barely know. And too often, they simply fall through the cracks.

2. Kids Missing Grandparents (and a Bigger Family)

Grandparents aren’t just for cookies and birthday cards. They’re often a steady, loving presence. They share stories from the past. They pass down recipes, family traditions, and values. When a parent cuts off their parents, the children lose more than just visits. They lose a piece of their identity.

When a parent is unavailable, children lose more than a caregiver—they lose wisdom, support, and stories from the past. Grandparents, aunts, and uncles often provide stability and love that make a difference.

When estrangement disconnects them from extended family, kids risk feeling isolated and uncertain about belonging. That hurt doesn’t just go away—it’s carried into adulthood and even passed on. Without grandparents and extended family, kids miss out on stories, wisdom, and emotional support that shape identity. Estrangement can leave children feeling untethered from their history and belonging.

While hard to measure, experts say losing these connections limits emotional resources and support that children naturally need.

Grandparents, aunts, and uncles often play a big role in a child’s sense of identity. They share family stories, traditions, and life lessons. When children lose those connections, they lose part of their history.

According to research published in the American Journal of Family Therapy, children who grow up without extended family involvement may struggle more with self-esteem and belonging. Without multiple trusted adults, kids may feel they have no safety net outside of their immediate household.

3. Strain on Our Support Systems

When family members won’t or can’t help each other, other systems have to fill in the gap. That means:

• More seniors are in assisted living earlier than necessary.

• More parents are relying on daycare or after-school programs because grandparents aren’t involved.

• More people are calling social services for needs that families used to handle.

  
  

These systems are already stretched thin. Adding the fallout from broken family ties makes them weaker for everyone.

4. Mental Health Struggles That Spread

Going no contact can be emotionally devastating — for the person who made the choice and for the person left behind. People often describe it like grieving someone who is still alive. The grief, guilt, shame, and identity loss can be overwhelming.

According to the American Psychological Association, estranged adults often report high levels of shame, fear, and emotional distress. Family estrangement is linked to anxiety and depression-this isn't just a theory.

Now multiply that pain by dozens, hundreds, or thousands of people in the same community. The result? Neighborhoods where people are too drained to connect, too anxious to trust, too sad to show up for others.

It’s not just a private hurt — it’s a public one. When personal pain is widespread, communities lose resilience and trust, one ripple at a time.

5. Loneliness Becomes a Health Crisis

The U.S. Surgeon General recently warned that loneliness is now a public health crisis. When people go no contact with family, the risk of isolation skyrockets. People who are cut off from loved ones face a higher risk of anxiety, depression, heart disease, and even dementia.

When estrangement becomes common, loneliness spreads.

And the more loneliness spreads, the more disconnected and unsafe communities feel.

6. Breaking Traditions

Family is where we pass down our recipes, our jokes, our “this is how we do it” stories. When families break apart, those traditions vanish. That means fewer kids know where their family came from, or why certain holidays are celebrated, or even the names of their ancestors.

These little things matter more than we think — they’re part of the glue that holds a community’s identity together. As a society, we don't feel like we are a part of something greater than ourselves. People lose a part of their identity.

7. A Fractured Sense of Community

When family bonds weaken, so does the sense that “we take care of each other.” People start to think, “It’s not my problem” when a neighbor struggles. The mindset that "it's not my problem" erodes trust and makes communities colder.

When large numbers of people in one community carry these heavy emotions, it can affect the overall mood and connectedness of the place they live. Where neighborhoods once served as community gatherings and sources of support, most neighbors now don't even know who lives next door. Neighbors you wave to you may not check in on each other because they assume “someone else” is doing it, when in reality, no one is.

When family ties break, chosen families become the new community.

How People Are Trying to Fill the Gap

As society is moving away from birth families, they are gravitating to online families.

Chosen Families

Many people are building “chosen families” — deep, committed friendships that function like blood relatives. These bonds can be beautiful, loyal, and healing. In some cases, they’re healthier than the families people were born into. But chosen families often don’t have the legal rights that biological families do, and they can’t always offer the same long-term stability.

Online Communities

Groups like Surviving Life Lessons offer safe spaces to share stories, get advice, and find understanding. For some, these groups are the first place they’ve felt heard in years. But while online support can be powerful, it can’t replace a real hug, a shared meal, or someone physically showing up when you’re in need.

Local Meet-Ups and Support Programs

Some neighborhoods have started “neighbor circles” — monthly dinners where people invite others who might be alone. Community centers are creating programs to pair seniors with younger volunteers for friendship and help with errands. These efforts are helping, but they’re still small compared to the scale of the problem.

Why This Matters — Even If It’s Not Your Family

You might be thinking, “That’s sad, but it doesn’t affect me.” The truth? It does. When more people face life without family or community support, the burden shifts onto social services, charities, and — indirectly — all of us.

Stronger families make stronger communities. We can’t afford to keep pulling apart.

Where We’re Headed If We Don’t Fix This

If the “no contact” trend keeps growing without new ways to rebuild connections, we could see an even bigger increase in:

• More seniors are dying alone with no one to notice for days.

• Kids are missing emotional support and guidance from extended family.

• This situation puts even greater strain on public services, leading to burnout for social workers, teachers, and healthcare providers.

• Communities where people don’t trust each other make everyone more isolated.

Where do we start

• Start Talking Again: Even if it’s awkward, communication is the first step toward healing.

• Offer Support to Others: Step in for someone who doesn’t have family nearby.

• Join or Build Community Groups: Places like Surviving Life Lessons offer safe spaces to connect, share, and heal.

• Teach Conflict Resolution: Show kids and teens that relationships are worth working for.

Rebuilding Connection Is Everyone’s Job

We can’t force every family to reconcile. Sometimes, no contact is necessary for safety or sanity. But when we allow distance to become the default, we lose something far greater than one relationship — we lose the fabric that holds our communities together.

It’s time to start valuing connection again. To reach out, to listen, and to rebuild trust one conversation at a time. It's time we learn how to resolve conflicts and set personal boundaries.

Because if we don’t… we risk raising a world where nobody has anyone to call when life gets hard. Someday, that person who decides to go "No Contact" is someone you love. No one expects it that it can happen to them... until it does.

But There’s Hope for the No Contact Culture

I fully understand that not every relationship can be repaired. Sometimes staying away is the healthiest choice. But when healing is possible, it doesn’t just mend a relationship — it strengthens an entire community. Choose to be the one to connect. It will have a good ripple effect.

We can’t solve everything at once, but we can:

• Call someone we’ve lost touch with — if it’s safe.

• Check on an elderly neighbor.

• Invite someone to join us for a holiday meal.

• You can build new traditions.

• You can find a chosen family that loves you well.

• Support programs that help bridge the gap between generations.

Small acts add up. Start with a simple conversation. One reconnection can ripple outward, inspiring others to do the same.

You’re Not Alone in This

Isolation makes estrangement heavier. Support groups — online or local — give you a place to say, “This happened to me,” and hear, “Me too.” If you are struggling with the no contact culture, join one of our groups. If you don't connect in that group, try others or reach out to us to start one.

No advice. No judgment. Just people who get it.

Example: Someone in a group shares how they wrote a letter they never sent. Another talks about setting a boundary before agreeing to a holiday visit. You hear ideas you might not have thought of — and you feel less alone.

JOIN A GROUP

Let’s Talk About It—Together

Not every conversation needs to be therapy. Sometimes, you just need a warm, neutral space to sort through your feelings.

That’s why I created Neighbor Chat — a 30-minute, heart-centered conversation where you can talk without fear of judgment, or just get help untangling your thoughts. No pressure, no expectations.

And you don’t have to go through this alone.

EXPLORE OUR SERVICES

References:

1. Pew Research Center – How the Pandemic Changed American Families (2021)https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2021/07/02/how-the-pandemic-changed-american-families/

2. Cornell University – Study on family estrangement and older adult well-beinghttps://news.cornell.edu/stories/2020/09/estrangement-adult-children-can-take-toll-parents-health

3. American Journal of Family Therapy – Effects of extended family absence on children’s self-esteem and belonginghttps://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/01926187.2015.1007750

4. U.S. Surgeon General – Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community (2023)https://www.hhs.gov/surgeongeneral/priorities/social-connection/index.html

5. American Psychological Association – Mental health impacts of family estrangementhttps://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/06/family-estrangement

6. The New Yorker – The Science of Estrangementhttps://www.newyorker.com/science/elements/the-science-of-estrangement

7. The Week – Coverage on rising trends in no contact relationshipshttps://theweek.com/articles/923456/americas-epidemic-family-estrangement

8. Verywell Mind – What Is a Chosen Family?https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-a-chosen-family-5194364

9. TIME Magazine – The Loneliness Epidemic in Americahttps://time.com/6261352/us-surgeon-general-loneliness-epidemic/

10. SAGE Journals – Research on loneliness, depression, and social isolation in older adultshttps://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/0022167816653222