No Contact: How Silence Became the New Family Crisis

When silence becomes the loudest sound in the family.

There’s a quiet crisis happening behind closed doors in families across the world—and it’s growing louder by the day.

It’s not always something people talk about in public. In fact, it’s usually the thing we don’t talk about.

It’s called “no contact”—when parents and adult children stop speaking altogether. No calls. No birthdays. No holidays. Just silence. Sometimes it’s chosen. Sometimes it’s forced. And in almost every case, it leaves behind heartbreak, confusion, and wounds that never fully heal.

In this blog series, I want to talk about it, not to shame or blame, but to shine light on a pain that so many are quietly carrying.

Because of this silence? It’s affecting more than just one family. It’s tearing generations apart.

What Does “No Contact” Mean in Families?

No contact is exactly what it sounds like: when someone cuts off communication with another person, often indefinitely.

Sometimes it’s a parent who makes the choice. Other times, it’s the adult child. And in some cases, it happens slowly—calls go unanswered, visits get skipped, and suddenly months turn into years of silence.

While estrangement between parents and children isn’t new, it’s happening more often now than ever before. One major study by Dr. Karl Pillemer at Cornell University found that more than 1 in 4 Americans are currently estranged from a family member, most commonly a parent and adult child relationship.

That’s not just a number. That’s millions of people quietly grieving a relationship that feels like it should have been safe, permanent, or fixable.

How Did We Get Here?

There’s no one reason families go no contact. But there are a few powerful shifts that have made this more common in recent years—and they’ve all piled on top of each other:

1. The COVID Lockdowns Changed Everything

For many families, the pandemic became a breaking point. Isolation, fear, and stress caused tensions to boil over. Some people walked away during that time and never looked back. Others simply never found the way back.

Studies show that conflict between family members increased during COVID, especially related to political opinions, lifestyle changes, and boundaries around health and safety .

2. Technology Replaced Conversation

We’re more connected than ever online, but less connected face to face. Family communication has become texts and emojis. And when real conflict happens, too many people just stop responding instead of working through it.

We ghost each other. Block each other. Unfriend and unfollow. But those digital habits bleed into real life and create walls where bridges used to be.

3. Addiction, Mental Illness, and Trauma Are on the Rise

When addiction enters a family, it doesn’t just harm the person struggling—it rips through relationships. Parents may cut off children who are using, or children may step away from a parent whose behavior is unsafe. Sometimes there’s just too much damage to keep pretending it’s okay.

4. Politics and Generational Shifts Have Created Deep Divides

Today, people don’t just disagree—they cancel. That happens even in families. One person’s values or beliefs can become a deal-breaker to another. And often, it’s not the difference in opinion that breaks the relationship—it’s the way we talk (or don’t talk) about those differences.

The Pain Behind the Silence

Some people might say, “If a relationship is toxic, maybe it’s best to walk away.” And in some cases, that’s true. Protecting your mental health or physical safety is important.

But there’s another side to the story, especially when the silence wasn’t chosen by both people.

Imagine being a parent who raised a child, sacrificed for them, laughed with them, cried over them—and then one day, the phone just stops ringing. Holidays come and go. Grandchildren are born, and you’re not there. And no one explains why.

Or imagine being the adult child who feels invisible in their own family. Maybe you grew up with chaos, neglect, or emotional abuse, and the only way to heal is to step away.

In either case, the pain is real.

Why We Need to Talk About This

We don’t talk about estrangement enough. It’s still wrapped in silence and shame—treated like a private failure that we’re supposed to hide. But the truth is, silence doesn’t heal. And pretending estrangement is rare only deepens the isolation for the people living through it.

What I’ve come to realize is that it’s not just happening in my family. I see it all around me—in stories people quietly share when they feel safe enough to speak. While sitting in a dentist's office recently, the hygienist told me about her experience as a single mom. She had worked hard, made sacrifices, and poured everything she had into her adult child. Her daughter had more, lived better because of all that effort. Then, one day, she stopped answering her mother’s calls. No warning. No explanation. Just silence.

A friend I served with in the military went through something similar. After his divorce, he started a new family. Not long after, his children from his first marriage cut him off completely. They moved away, stopped communicating, and now he doesn’t even get to see his grandchildren. He still doesn’t understand what went wrong. He just knows the door closed, and he hasn’t been able to open it since.

That’s why I’m writing this series.

Because estrangement isn’t just a personal issue—it’s a growing epidemic. And I’ve seen it up close. I’ve felt it in my own family. I’ve witnessed it in my community. I’ve heard it in the voices of people I care about, and in the quiet grief of those still trying to make sense of what happened.

I’ve seen parents who love their children deeply but struggle to connect with them anymore. I’ve seen adult children who long for peace but can’t return to the pain they once lived with. And I’ve seen the emotional weight of missed birthdays, empty holidays, and the aching sense that something is broken—and no one knows how to fix it.

These stories matter. These people matter. And it’s time we started talking about estrangement with honesty, with empathy, and without shame. Because the silence is hurting too many people.

What This Series Will Explore

Over the next few weeks, I’ll walk you through stories, insights, and reflections that look at both sides of no contact, with compassion and truth.

Here’s what’s coming next:

• Post 2: When Parents Go No Contact: Grief, Guilt, and the Need for Safety

• Post 3: When Adult Children Go No Contact: Boundaries or Burnout?

• Post 4: The Emotional Wreckage of No Contact

• Post 5: Disconnected: How the No Contact Culture is Changing Our Communities

• Post 6: No Contact? 11 Steps to finding Healing when Reconciliation isn't possible

• Post 7(Final): When No Contact Ends? 20 Steps to Rebuild Without Breaking Again

Each post will look at real reasons behind the silence—and offer small paths toward understanding, even if reconciliation isn't possible.

You’re Not Alone in This

Maybe you’ve been cut off by your child. Maybe you had to walk away from a parent just to survive. Maybe you're caught somewhere in the middle, not knowing how to move forward.

Whatever your story is, you’re not alone.

This isn’t about blaming or labeling. It’s about recognizing that human relationships are deeply complicated. None of us gets it right all the time. We say things we regret. We hold onto pain longer than we should. But being imperfect doesn’t mean we’re unlovable or beyond repair.

We don’t heal in silence. We heal in honesty. We heal when we allow ourselves to grieve the loss, reflect on our part, and, when the time is right, seek connection again, even if it looks different than before.

If you’re carrying the weight of estrangement, you don’t have to carry it alone. There are spaces where people understand, where stories like yours are heard without judgment. Healing often begins in community, with others who get it.

If this resonates with you, I encourage you to find a support group where you can be honest, supported, and seen.

You deserve that.

JOIN A GROUP

Let’s Talk About It—Together

If this post speaks to you, stick around. Subscribe to my newsletter. Share your story in the comments. Join one of our support groups or reach out for a Neighbor Chat session.

Because family might feel broken... but you're not.

And you don’t have to go through this alone.

EXPLORE OUR SERVICES

References:

1. Pillemer, Karl. Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them. Avery/Penguin Random House, 2020.Cornell Study Summary

2. Pew Research Center. “How the Pandemic Changed American Families.” July 2021.Pew Research Report