Letting Go: What to Keep and What to Leave Behind After a Relationship Ends

Making space for peace — giving away what no longer serves your heart.

 The Things You Could Keep, But Shouldn’t

When divorce happens, you're not just splitting a house—you’re untangling a life. And sometimes, the hardest part isn’t what you’re forced to let go of. It’s choosing to let go of the things you could technically keep, but shouldn’t.

The memories.

The promises.

The person you thought you were going to be.

Letting go isn’t a quick act. It’s a process.

And it doesn’t always happen all at once.

Letting Go of the Physical Things

Sometimes it's easier to throw out a box of old photos than it is to delete a text thread. Sometimes it's the coffee mug or the blanket that holds more pain than comfort. And yet, we hold on—because letting go feels too final.

But here’s the truth I learned: There's no room for peace when your space is full of the past.

I kept things I didn’t need, to feel like I still had some control. But over time, I realized those objects were emotional anchors. Letting go didn’t erase the memories. It made room for new ones.

If you’re struggling to decide what to keep, ask yourself:

• Does this bring me comfort or pain?

• Is this something I need for now, or am I keeping it for then?

• Am I holding this because it helps—or because I’m afraid of the emptiness it leaves?

• Worse yet, am I holding onto this to keep it from the other person?

  
  

You get to decide what stays. And you get to do it on your timeline.

Letting Go of the Emotional Baggage You Can’t See

Some of the heaviest things we carry don’t live in boxes. They live in our minds, our habits, and what we keep telling ourselves when no one’s listening.

Here are some of the invisible weights people carry after divorce—and permission to start setting them down:

• The need for closure or a better ending. You may never get the apology or explanation you deserve. Letting go means choosing to stop waiting.

• The belief that you failed. The marriage ended. That’s not the same as you failing. You tried. That matters.

• Hoping they’ll come back changed. Holding on to who you hoped they’d become keeps you stuck in a future that doesn’t exist.

• Blaming yourself for their actions. Their choices are not your responsibility. Healing starts with releasing what was never yours to carry.

• The pressure to forgive before you're ready. Forgiveness takes time. You don’t have to rush it to prove you’re healing.

• The old identity you held in the relationship. You are still you, just becoming a stronger version.

• Fear that you’ll never be loved again. You don’t need to know the whole future to believe in your worth right now.

  
  

If any of this sounds familiar, know this: You’re not weak for holding on. You’re brave for even considering letting go.

I had to let go of the story that my marriage was the best part of my life. Because now I know it was just part of my life—not the whole thing. Sometimes letting go means rewriting the story you thought you had to live out. We had plans and goals as a couple. I really wanted some of those plans we were going to share. What I realized is I could still do the ones that I really wanted and I can find friends and family to do those with me.

In other words, “This chapter is over—but I still get to finish the book.” The best part is that it's blank when I turn the page. It can be what I want it to be. What do you want your next chapter of life to look like?

Letting Go of the Story You Told Yourself

Maybe you left.Maybe you stayed too long.Maybe you both made mistakes.And now you're carrying guilt like it’s your job to feel bad forever.

But here’s something I want you to try on: You don’t owe guilt a permanent place in your life.

You don’t have to punish yourself to prove you’re healing. You can learn, grow, and still choose peace without holding onto pain like it’s your penance.

Letting go of guilt doesn’t mean you’re saying it didn’t matter. It means you’re deciding it won’t control your future.

Letting Go of the Guilt

Maybe you left.

Maybe you stayed too long.

Maybe you both made mistakes.

And now you're carrying guilt like it’s your job to feel bad forever.

But here’s something I want you to try on: You don’t owe guilt a permanent place in your life.

You don’t have to punish yourself to prove you’re healing. You can learn, grow, and still choose peace without holding onto pain like it’s your penance.

Letting go of guilt doesn’t mean you’re saying it didn’t matter. It means you’re deciding it won’t control your future. This is the hardest lesson for me. I have to remind myself over and over.

What You Can Try Today

Letting go doesn’t happen in one moment. But you can begin today:

• Pick one small item to donate, toss, or give away. Something that holds more pain than peace.

• Write a short goodbye letter to the life you thought you'd have. You don’t have to read it again—write it.

• Download our checklist: Emotional Baggage to Let Go After Divorce—a guide to help you recognize what you’ve been holding on to.

• Say this out loud: “Letting go is not losing. It’s choosing peace.”

  
  

You’re not erasing the past. You’re making space for something better.

You Don’t Have to Carry This Alone

Letting go can feel lonely, but it doesn’t have to be. Join our support groups, where life survivors walk beside life strugglers.

Here, you’ll find people who understand what it means to carry too much—and how freeing it feels to set something down finally.

We’re here when you’re ready.

JOIN A GROUP