Learning to Sit with Loneliness — Finding Comfort in Your Own Company

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been busy.

As a kid, I worked, went to school, volunteered, and spent time at church. When I joined the Navy, I did my job, volunteered again, and took college classes on the side. After leaving the military, I juggled a full-time job, parenting, and more college courses.

Then came marriage, more kids, and even more volunteering. I was the mom who drove everyone to practice, helped with fundraisers, and showed up for every school event.

But one day, all that activity stopped. The kids grew up, the house got quiet, and suddenly, I had time—too much time.

At first, it felt strange. I remember sitting there thinking, Now what?

Self-trust isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up.

When the Silence Feels Too Loud

Those first few weeks were rough. I’d get home from work, and for the first time in years, there was no noise. No schedules. No one asking, “What’s for dinner?” or needing a ride somewhere.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. I felt lost and a little bit sad. I had spent my entire life taking care of everyone else, and now I had to figure out how to take care of me.

So yes, I had a pity party. I think we all need one now and then. I let myself cry. I let myself feel lonely. But I also remembered something John Gray said: “You have to feel it to heal it.”

So, I let myself feel it.

And when the tears dried, I started asking bigger questions. Who am I when I’m not busy? What do I enjoy when no one else is around?

Discovering the Gift of Alone Time

What I learned surprised me. Alone time wasn’t my enemy—it was my mirror.

When I stopped filling every moment with noise and movement, I started hearing my own thoughts again. I began noticing the things I had ignored for years: dreams I’d shelved, habits I wanted to change, and goals that still mattered to me.

I realized I didn’t have to do everything at once. I could work on one or two little things at a time, not for a quick fix, but for lifelong change.

That’s when alone time became something sacred instead of scary.

From Lonely to Peaceful

There’s a big difference between being alone and being lonely. Loneliness feels like something is missing. Being alone feels like something is returning—you.

Once I stopped fighting the silence, I started using it. I read more. I journaled. I spent time in prayer and reflection. I even started doing things I had put off for years because I was “too busy.”

Alone time became the space where I healed, planned, and dreamed again.

What I Learned About Myself

1. Stillness teaches clarity. When you slow down, your true priorities rise to the surface.

2. Solitude builds strength. The more time I spent with myself, the more comfortable I became in my own skin.

3. You don’t need constant noise to feel alive. Peace has a sound of its own.

4. Grief is part of growth. I had to mourn the old version of my life before I could embrace the new one.

5. Loneliness can be healing if you let it. It gives your heart a chance to breathe.

Finding Comfort in Your Own Company

Now, when I’m alone, I don’t rush to fill the time. I cook something I enjoy. I sit outside with my coffee and listen to the birds. I write, read, or simply rest.

I’ve learned that I am good company.

Being comfortable with yourself doesn’t mean you never need people. It means you don’t lose yourself when they’re gone.

It means you can stand still and be content.

Faith and Solitude

My faith helped me find peace in stillness. I began using quiet moments to talk to God instead of fighting the silence. I found that when you slow down enough to listen, you realize you’re not truly alone.

There’s something deeply spiritual about solitude it’s where you meet yourself and your Creator at the same time.

What You Can Try Today

1. Allow yourself a short “pity party,” then set a time to move forward.

2. Take a quiet walk without your phone. Just observe your thoughts.

3. Write a list of things you enjoy doing alone.

4. Journal one thing you’ve learned about yourself recently.

5. Practice sitting in silence for five minutes a day.

6. Try cooking, painting, or gardening—something that lets your mind rest.

7. Pray or meditate about what season of life you’re in right now.

8. Write down three things you’re grateful for about this stage of your life.

9. Make a small plan for personal growth one habit or goal to start.

10. End the day by saying, “I am enough, even when I am by myself.”

Final Thoughts

Loneliness taught me that silence isn’t empty—it’s full of lessons waiting to be heard.

Once I stopped fearing my own company, I discovered how much peace was waiting for me all along.

You don’t have to fill every moment with noise. Sometimes the quiet is exactly what your soul needs to remember who you are.

♥

Support on Your Journey

If you’d like connection and encouragement, I invite you to become part of the survivinglifelessons community groups where we share openly, support one another, and walk this journey together. You don’t have to do this alone.

JOIN A GROUP

Also, if you ever need someone to talk with —just a friendly ear, not a counselor —check out our Neighbor Chat service. This is a place where people listen, share, and connect about whatever topic is on your mind every day. Because sometimes all you need is to simply be heard.

VISIT OUR NEIGHBOR CHAT

So here’s to you—the person showing up for themselves, step by step. Here’s to the friend you are becoming to yourself. The journey won’t always be easy. But it will always be worth it. And I’ll be cheering you on every step of the way.