How Do I Poem – Loving Someone Who Just Wants to Be Friends
- Deborah Ann Martin
- Nov 8
- 3 min read
Updated: Nov 13
When Someone You Love Says “Let’s Just Be Friends”
I wrote How Do I Poem early in my life, after a breakup that really shook me. This wasn’t just any relationship — he had become my best friend, my go-to person, the one I shared laughs, secrets, and everyday life with.
Then, like so many heartbreak stories, it ended with those words:
“I just want to be friends.”
It feels like you’ve been split in half.
You can either walk away completely… or try to pretend you’re fine while watching them smile and move on.
Both options hurt.
This poem came from all those unspoken questions you ask in private.
How do I go from all to nothing?
How do I be "just friends" with the person who knew all of me?
I didn’t have answers. But I had poetry.
How Do I
How do I become just friends after being more?
How do I sit next to you and not want to be held?
How do I walk without wanting to hold your hands?
How do I not want to kiss your luscious lips?
How do I not want those kisses to lead to touching?
How do I not want the intimacy that leads to more?
How do I forget the feeling of being together?
How do I not want your strength when I am weak?
How do I not talk or hang out as much as we did?
How do I not laugh and joke with you?
How do I not share what we enjoyed together?
How do I accept that I want to be with someone?
How do I act as if I’m happy for you?
How do I pretend I don’t have feelings?
How do I not miss us?
How do I not dream of being more again?
Alternatively,
How do I live without you in my life?
From Love and Heartache Moments: Healing Poems After Divorce and Breakups
Part of the Life Moments Series
© 2025 Deborah Ann Martin. All rights reserved.
Reflection on Loving Someone Who Just Wants To Be Friends
Sometimes, the hardest heartbreak isn’t anger or betrayal — it’s being told you’re still important, but not that important.
You're left watching someone you love walk away while asking yourself:
“Do I disappear… or do I try to be just a friend?”
This poem is for anyone struggling to move from lover to friend, and trying to hold in all the feelings that don’t just disappear overnight.
You don’t need to rush healing.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.
And you’re not alone in asking these questions.
Sometimes, asking is all we can do.
The Style Behind the Words
Poetry Style Name: Free Verse Emotional Monologue
Structure and Form: 17 lines, ending in a rhetorical question + final statement
Tone: Vulnerable, reflective, sorrowful
Poetic Devices:
Anaphora: Repetition of “How do I…” emphasizes emotional overwhelm
Rhetorical Questions: Builds tension and internal struggle
Contrast: Between past intimacy and forced emotional distance
Theme: Emotional aftermath of breakup, grief of friendship lost, unspoken love
Reading Level: 6th grade and up — clear and emotionally resonant for teens and adults
Explore More Love and Heartache Moments
How Do I is featured in Love and Heartache Moments: Healing Poems After Divorce and Breakups. This book explores all stages of love and loss — from first kisses to final goodbyes, from heartbreak to healing.
If you’ve ever loved deeply, lost painfully, or had to learn how to live without someone — this collection is for you. l.
About the Life Moments Series
This poem is part of my Life Moments Series, which explores the beauty, heartbreak, and growth we experience in everyday life.
Each book in the series captures different themes — love, heartbreak, parenting, joy, childhood, and more.
You can read more poetry or explore all of my books
References
Love and Heartache Moments: Healing Poems After Divorce and Breakups, Deborah Ann Martin, 2025.
Deborah Ann Martin Amazon Author Central Page: https://www.amazon.com/author/deborahamartin
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