Getting Your Affairs in Order: Essential Tasks You Can’t Ignore
The Legal, Financial, Medical, and Personal Things I Put in Place After Cancer
There is a conversation most of us would rather avoid.
What happens if something happens to me?
Nobody wants to sit around talking about death.
We want to talk about vacations, birthdays, weddings, grandchildren, retirement, and all the things we still plan to do.
I certainly wasn't sitting around hoping for the worst.
I was planning for the best.
But cancer taught me something important:
Planning for the worst does not mean you expect the worst.
It means you love your family enough to make things easier for them if the unexpected happens.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I realized there were many things I needed to put in order.
Medical decisions.
Financial information.
Legal documents.
Property.
Beneficiaries.
Funeral arrangements.
Personal belongings.
And perhaps most importantly, the things I wanted my children to know if I wasn't there to tell them myself.
I didn't do these things because I had given up.
I did them because I wanted to be prepared.
Cancer Made Me Think About More Than Treatment
When people hear the words cancer diagnosis, they usually think about doctors, surgery, chemotherapy, radiation, scans, medications, and treatment.
Those things were certainly part of my life.
But cancer also made me think about something else.
What happens to everything else if I don't make it?
Who would make my medical decisions if I couldn't?
Who would handle my finances?
Who would know about my retirement accounts?
Who would know where my insurance information was?
Who would know which bills needed to be paid?
Who would know what I owned?
Who would handle my affairs after I died?
What would happen to my house?
What would my children need to know?
And perhaps the hardest question:
What would I want to leave behind for my children besides money and property?
Those questions weren't easy.
But I decided that avoiding them wouldn't make them disappear.
So I started getting my affairs in order.
Getting Your Affairs in Order Isn't Giving Up
The National Institute on Aging describes getting your affairs in order as organizing legal, financial, health-care, and personal records and making plans for future decisions. Advance care planning can include documents that explain your medical wishes and identify someone who can make health-care decisions if you cannot communicate them yourself.
That doesn't mean you're expecting to die tomorrow.
It means you're making decisions while you are able to make them.
There is a big difference.
I wanted my children to inherit a plan instead of a pile of unanswered questions.
I Started With My Medical Wishes
One of the first things I thought about was medical care.
If I became too sick to speak for myself, who would speak for me?
What would I want?
What would I not want?
Who understood my wishes well enough to make decisions on my behalf?
Documents such as an advance directive and a health-care power of attorney can help communicate those wishes and identify a trusted person to make health-care decisions if you cannot communicate.
These documents are different from a regular will.
A will generally deals with your estate and property after death. An advance directive deals with certain health-care decisions while you are alive but unable to communicate your wishes.
I wanted those decisions addressed before someone else was forced to guess what I would have wanted.
I Put My Financial Affairs in Order
Then came the financial side.
I started making sure I knew what I had.
That sounds simple.
It isn't always.
Many of us have accounts scattered across different institutions.
Bank accounts.
Retirement accounts.
401(k)s.
Investments.
Bonds.
Insurance policies.
Credit cards.
Mortgages.
Loans.
Bills.
Automatic payments.
And accounts that we may not even think about every day.
If something happened to me, my children would need to know what existed and where to find the information.
So I began creating a complete picture of my financial life.
The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau explains that a financial power of attorney can allow a trusted person to act on your behalf if you become unable to manage financial decisions yourself.
That distinction matters.
Planning isn't only about what happens after death.
You also need to think about what happens if you are alive but unable to manage your own affairs.
I Made Sure My Beneficiaries Were Named
One of the things I considered extremely important was making sure beneficiaries were named on the accounts where beneficiary designations apply.
I went through my retirement accounts, bonds, insurance, and other assets and made sure the appropriate people were listed.
This is something many people put off.
We open an account.
We name someone.
Years go by.
Life changes.
Children grow up.
Relationships change.
Divorces happen.
People remarry.
Someone dies.
And the beneficiary designation may still say exactly what it said years earlier.
That is why reviewing beneficiaries is so important.
Don't assume that having a will automatically means every account will be distributed according to the will.
Certain accounts and financial products can have their own beneficiary designations.
The exact rules depend on the type of account and applicable law, so this is an area where professional legal or financial advice can be very important.
I Made a List of My Accounts
I also wanted someone to be able to sit down and understand my financial life.
Not necessarily have immediate access to everything.
But know that the accounts existed.
That distinction is important.
I wanted there to be a roadmap.
My list included things such as:
Bank accounts
Retirement accounts
401(k)s
Investments
Bonds
Insurance policies
Credit cards
Loans
Mortgage information
Property
Important bills
Financial institutions
Insurance contacts
Attorneys and other professional contacts
You don't necessarily want to put every password and security credential into one unsecured document.
Instead, think about creating a secure system that tells your trusted person what exists, where the information is kept, and how they can legally obtain access when necessary.
The National Institute on Aging recommends organizing legal, financial, and personal records so they can be located when needed.
That may be one of the most practical gifts you can give your family.
I Made Sure Someone Was Responsible for Handling My Affairs
Another thing I wanted to make clear was who would handle things after I died.
I didn't want my children arguing over who should make phone calls, close accounts, contact companies, locate documents, or deal with paperwork.
I designated a person to handle my affairs.
That person would have responsibilities that my children shouldn't have to figure out on their own while grieving.
This is an important distinction:
Choosing someone doesn't mean giving that person unlimited control over everything while you're alive.
Different legal documents serve different purposes.
A financial power of attorney, for example, can authorize someone to act on your behalf while you are alive under the terms of the document. An executor or personal representative generally handles estate matters after death.
The exact roles and terminology vary by state, which is another reason estate planning should be done with qualified legal guidance.
I Took Care of My House
One of the biggest things I addressed was my home.
I wanted my children to receive the house without having to figure everything out from scratch after I died.
I completed legal paperwork and paid the fees necessary for the property arrangement I chose.
This was important to me because I wanted to reduce the complications my children might face later.
Real estate planning is one area where I strongly recommend getting professional advice rather than simply copying someone else's solution.
For example, Virginia law currently recognizes transfer-on-death deeds, which can transfer qualifying real property to designated beneficiaries at death if the statutory requirements are met, including recording the deed before death.
But that doesn't mean a transfer-on-death deed—or any other particular strategy—is right for everyone.
There can be issues involving taxes, creditors, mortgages, Medicaid or other benefits, family circumstances, ownership, and the rest of an estate plan.
My story is an example of what I chose to do, not legal advice about what you should do.
Talk to an estate-planning attorney about your own situation.
I Thought About the Things People Don't Like to Talk About
Then there were the conversations nobody really wants to have.
Funeral arrangements.
Burial.
Cremation.
Cemetery plots.
Headstones.
What kind of service I wanted.
What I wanted my family to know.
People sometimes get uncomfortable when you talk about these things.
I understand.
Death isn't exactly a popular dinner-table conversation.
But I have learned that avoiding the subject doesn't make death less real.
It simply means someone else may have to make all those decisions later.
And they may have to make them while they are grieving.
I Have Talked About My Funeral
I have talked about what I want.
I've also known people who decided to make their own arrangements and pay for them ahead of time.
Some people may think that is morbid.
I don't.
I think it can be practical.
There are people who purchase cemetery plots, burial spaces, or other arrangements years before they expect to need them.
In some situations, people choose to do this because they want to make decisions themselves rather than leave them to their families.
And there is another reason I understand this personally.
My sister went approximately 20 years without a headstone.
That experience stayed with me.
It made me realize how easily these things can be delayed after someone dies.
The family is grieving.
There are bills.
There are decisions.
There are competing responsibilities.
And something as simple as a headstone can keep getting pushed further down the list.
So I understand why someone might choose to make those arrangements ahead of time.
You may be planning for something that is 20 or 30 years away.
That's okay.
Planning for something doesn't make it happen.
My Friends Started Making Their Own Plans Too
Some of my friends listened to me talk about these things and decided to make arrangements of their own.
They purchased their plots.
They made arrangements.
Some paid for things ahead of time.
We even joked about the fact that some of these arrangements have a birth date but no ending date.
I actually like that.
The ending date isn't written yet.
We're still here.
We're still living.
We're still making plans.
We're still laughing.
We're still making memories.
Planning for the end doesn't mean we've stopped living in the middle.
I Wrote Letters to My Children
This may be one of the most personal things I did.
I wrote letters to each of my children.
These weren't legal documents.
They weren't financial instructions.
They weren't part of my estate plan.
They were from a mother to her children.
I wanted them to have my words.
There are things you can say in a letter that you may never think to say in an ordinary conversation.
Things you want your child to remember.
Things you admire about them.
Things you're proud of.
Things you hope they understand.
Stories they may not remember.
Lessons you learned.
Mistakes you made.
Things you wish you had done differently.
And simply:
I love you.
I didn't want my children to have to wonder what I would have said if I had been given the opportunity.
So I gave myself the opportunity while I was still here.
Make a Personal Information File
I also believe every household should have some kind of master information file.
It doesn't have to be fancy.
It could be a binder.
A secure digital file.
A combination of both.
The important thing is that someone you trust knows it exists.
You might include:
Personal Information
Full legal name
Date of birth
Social Security information stored securely
Important identification documents
Marriage or divorce records
Birth certificates
Military records
Citizenship documents
Medical Information
Doctors
Specialists
Medications
Allergies
Medical history
Health insurance
Advance directive
Health-care representative
Important medical documents
Financial Information
Banks
401(k)s
IRAs
Investments
Bonds
Life insurance
Pension information
Credit cards
Loans
Mortgage
Other assets
Property
House
Land
Vehicles
Storage units
Valuable personal property
Important documents relating to property
Legal Information
Will
Trust documents, if applicable
Powers of attorney
Estate attorney
Financial advisor
Insurance agent
Person responsible for estate administration
Digital Life
Don't forget the digital world.
Think about:
Email accounts
Online banking
Social media
Digital photographs
Cloud storage
Websites
Subscriptions
Online businesses
Important digital files
Again, don't simply put passwords into a document and leave it somewhere unsecured.
Create a secure plan for your digital information and make sure your trusted person knows how to access what they are legally permitted to access.
Keep Important Documents Where Someone Can Find Them
One of the worst things that can happen is having excellent documents that nobody can find.
You can have the perfect will.
The perfect list.
The perfect insurance policy.
The perfect letter.
But if nobody knows where the documents are, they may not help when they're needed.
Tell your trusted person where important documents are stored.
That might be:
A safe
A secure home filing system
An attorney's office
A secure digital storage system
Another location you have specifically designated
The important thing is communication.
Someone needs to know where to look.
Don't Forget the Small Things
Sometimes the things that cause the most confusion aren't the big assets.
They're the little things.
Who gets the family photographs?
What happens to the jewelry?
Who wants the furniture?
Where are the sentimental items?
Who should receive letters?
What happens to the pets?
What memberships need to be canceled?
What subscriptions are automatically charging the bank account?
Who should receive important personal belongings?
You may not care about these things.
Your children might.
And sometimes a $20 photograph is emotionally worth more than a $20,000 account.
Make Your Wishes Known While You Can
One of the biggest lessons I've learned is that documents are important, but conversations are important too.
Tell your family what you're doing.
Tell them where the important documents are.
Tell them who has which responsibility.
Tell them what matters to you.
Don't make them discover everything after you're gone.
The National Institute on Aging encourages people to discuss advance care planning with loved ones and review these plans periodically, particularly after major life changes.
These shouldn't necessarily be one-time conversations.
Life changes.
People get married.
People divorce.
Children become adults.
Relationships change.
Financial circumstances change.
People move.
Health changes.
Your plan should change when your life changes.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me
I wish someone had told me earlier that estate planning isn't only for wealthy people.
It isn't only for old people.
It isn't only for married couples.
And it certainly isn't only for people who think they're about to die.
Every adult has things that matter.
Every adult has people they care about.
Every adult should know who could make medical decisions for them if they couldn't speak.
Every adult should have some idea of what would happen to their property.
And every family can benefit from knowing where important information is located.
The Worst Case Doesn't Have to Be the First Time Your Family Thinks About It
Imagine your family suddenly having to figure everything out.
They don't know your bank accounts.
They don't know your insurance.
They don't know where your will is.
They don't know who your doctors are.
They don't know what you wanted medically.
They don't know who should handle your estate.
They don't know what you wanted for your funeral.
They don't know what to do with the house.
They don't know which accounts have beneficiaries.
They don't know what bills are automatically being paid.
And they're grieving.
That's what I wanted to prevent.
I didn't want my children to have to become detectives.
I wanted to leave them instructions.
My Goal Wasn't to Prepare to Die
My goal was to prepare to live.
There is a strange freedom that comes from knowing you've taken care of things.
Once I knew my important documents were in order, I didn't have to keep thinking about them.
I could return my attention to living.
My children.
My family.
My work.
My dreams.
My future.
Cancer had already taken enough of my attention.
I didn't want paperwork to become another source of fear.
Planning for the Worst Allows You to Hope for the Best
This is the lesson I want people to take away.
Prepare for the worst.
Hope for the best.
And then go live your life.
Put the documents in place.
Name the people you trust.
Organize the accounts.
Review the beneficiaries.
Make your medical wishes known.
Make a will.
Talk to an attorney about your property.
Tell your family where important information is located.
Write the letters.
Make the funeral decisions if you want to.
Buy the plot if that is what you choose.
Buy the headstone if that matters to you.
Then close the binder.
Put it somewhere safe.
And go make some more memories.
Because preparing for death should never prevent you from living.
My Personal Checklist
Here is the checklist I wish everyone would consider.
Medical
☐ Advance directive
☐ Living will
☐ Health-care power of attorney/proxy
☐ List of doctors
☐ Medication list
☐ Allergies
☐ Health insurance information
☐ Medical records and important diagnoses
Financial
☐ Bank accounts
☐ 401(k)
☐ IRA
☐ Investments
☐ Bonds
☐ Life insurance
☐ Pension information
☐ Credit cards
☐ Loans
☐ Mortgage
☐ Regular bills
☐ Automatic payments
Legal
☐ Will
☐ Financial power of attorney
☐ Estate attorney
☐ Trust documents, if applicable
☐ Person designated to handle estate affairs
☐ Important legal documents
Beneficiaries
☐ Retirement accounts reviewed
☐ Life insurance reviewed
☐ Investment accounts reviewed
☐ Bank accounts reviewed where applicable
☐ Beneficiaries updated after major life changes
Property
☐ Home ownership documents
☐ Property plan
☐ Vehicles
☐ Storage units
☐ Valuable personal belongings
☐ Important property records
Personal
☐ Letters to children
☐ Important family stories
☐ Personal wishes
☐ Photographs and sentimental items
☐ Pet arrangements
☐ Funeral wishes
☐ Burial or cremation wishes
☐ Cemetery arrangements, if desired
☐ Headstone wishes
Information
☐ Master list of accounts
☐ Important contacts
☐ Location of documents
☐ Secure digital-access plan
☐ Trusted person knows where to find everything
Frequently Asked Questions
Is getting your affairs in order the same as planning for death?
Not necessarily. Getting your affairs in order includes planning for situations where you are alive but unable to make decisions, as well as planning for what happens after death. Advance directives, powers of attorney, wills, financial records, and other documents can help address different circumstances.
Do I need a will if I don't have a lot of money?
A will can still be useful because estate planning isn't only about wealth. It can address property, personal wishes, and other matters depending on your circumstances and state law. An estate-planning professional can help determine what documents make sense for you.
Should I name beneficiaries on my retirement accounts?
Many retirement and financial accounts allow you to designate beneficiaries. Review those designations regularly and after major life changes. Make sure they coordinate with the rest of your estate plan.
Should I tell my children where my financial information is?
I believe you should tell at least one trusted person where important information can be found. You don't necessarily need to give everyone every financial detail or password. The goal is to make sure the right person knows what exists and where the appropriate documents or access instructions are located.
Should I plan my funeral before I need it?
That is a personal decision. Some people find advance planning comforting because it allows them to make their own choices and reduces the number of decisions their family must make later. Others prefer to leave those decisions to their family.
Is planning for death morbid?
I don't think so.
I think refusing to discuss something because it makes us uncomfortable can sometimes make things harder for the people we love.
Planning isn't giving up.
It's preparation.
What I Want My Children to Know
If there is one thing I hope my children understand, it is this:
I didn't do all of this because I expected to die.
I did it because I love them.
I didn't want them sitting at a kitchen table surrounded by paperwork, wondering what Mom would have wanted.
I didn't want them searching for accounts.
I didn't want them wondering who should make decisions.
I didn't want them fighting over things I could have explained.
I didn't want them trying to plan a funeral while they were still trying to process losing their mother.
I wanted to give them as much clarity as I could.
And then I wanted to get back to living.
Hope for Today
We all hope we have decades left.
I hope I do too.
I hope you do.
I hope the documents you prepare today aren't needed for many, many years.
I hope your children grow old with you.
I hope you get to see every birthday, graduation, wedding, anniversary, vacation, and family gathering you've been dreaming about.
But hope and preparation can exist together.
Plan for the worst.
Hope for the best.
Live for today.
That's what I learned from cancer.
Getting your affairs in order isn't an admission that your life is ending.
It is one more way of taking care of the people you love.
And once you've done what you can do, close the folder, put it somewhere safe, and go live.
You still have a life to live.
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References
National Institute on Aging. “Advance Care Planning.” Guidance about advance directives, health-care proxies, and getting your affairs in order. www.nia.nih.gov — Advance Care Planning
National Institute on Aging. “Legal and Financial Planning.” Information about organizing legal and financial arrangements before a health crisis. www.nia.nih.gov — Legal and Financial Planning
National Institute on Aging. “Advance Care Planning: Advance Directives for Health Care.” Information about living wills and health-care powers of attorney. www.nia.nih.gov — Advance Directives for Health Care
Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. “What is a power of attorney (POA)?” Information about financial powers of attorney and choosing someone to act on your behalf. www.consumerfinance.gov — Power of Attorney
Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. “Managing Someone Else’s Money.” Guides for people who manage money or property for someone who cannot manage it themselves.
www.consumerfinance.gov — Managing Someone Else's Money
Virginia General Assembly. “Uniform Real Property Transfer on Death Act.” Virginia's current statutory information regarding transfer-on-death deeds.
Virginia Code — Transfer on Death Deeds
Disclaimer: This article shares my personal experience and general educational information. It is not legal, tax, financial, medical, or estate-planning advice. Laws concerning wills, trusts, powers of attorney, property transfers, probate, taxes, beneficiaries, and end-of-life planning vary by state and individual circumstances. Before transferring property or making significant legal or financial decisions, consult an appropriately licensed attorney, tax professional, or financial professional.
About the Author:
Deborah Ann Martin is the founder of Surviving Life Lessons, a published author, poet, speaker, and trainer with over 20 years of management experience across multiple industries. An MBA graduate, U.S. veteran, single mother, and rare cancer survivor, Deborah brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her writing on resilience, leadership, personal growth, and overcoming adversity. Her mission is to empower others with practical wisdom and real-life insight to navigate life’s challenges with strength and purpose.
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