Planning for the Best When We Fear the Worst: Living With Cancer
- Deborah Ann Martin
- 3 days ago
- 14 min read
How to Keep Living, Make Memories, and Enjoy Life During Cancer
A cancer diagnosis can make your world suddenly feel very small.
Your calendar becomes filled with doctors' appointments, scans, blood tests, treatments, medications, and follow-up visits.
It can feel as though cancer has taken over your entire life.
But cancer is only one part of your life.
You are still here.
And while you are here, there are still places to go, things to see, food to taste, people to laugh with, memories to make, and moments worth enjoying.
That is why I believe in planning for the best while preparing for the worst.
Preparing for the possibility that things may not go the way we hope does not mean we have given up.
It means we have taken care of the practical things so we can spend more time living.
And sometimes, the best thing you can do after putting those things in order is to close the paperwork, step away from the medical world, and go live your life.
Cancer Does Not Get Every Minute of Your Life
When I was going through cancer treatment, there were plenty of things I could not do.
I had physical limitations.
I had treatment schedules.
I had days when I was tired.
There were things I had to say no to.
But I refused to believe that meant I had to stop living.
I learned to ask myself a different question.
What can I do?
Instead of focusing only on everything cancer had taken away, I looked for the things I could still enjoy.
Sometimes that meant doing something big.
Sometimes it meant doing something very small.
Both mattered.
Make a Bucket List
One of the things I encourage people facing a serious illness to do is create a bucket list.
Not a bucket list based entirely on expensive vacations or things that require perfect health.
Make a realistic bucket list for the life you have right now.
Write down things you would enjoy doing.
Maybe you want to:
Visit a place you've never been.
Take a road trip.
Try a restaurant you've always wanted to visit.
Eat a food you've never tasted.
See a concert.
Go fishing.
Visit a museum.
Take your children somewhere special.
Watch a sunrise.
Watch a sunset.
Go camping.
Visit a nearby town you've never explored.
Take a scenic drive.
Go to a festival.
See a play.
Spend a day at the beach.
Visit a state park.
Have a picnic.
Take a cooking class.
Go kayaking.
Have a girls' or guys' weekend.
Visit an old friend.
Make something with your hands.
Take pictures with your family.
Have a day where nobody talks about cancer.
Your list does not have to impress anyone.
It only has to make you want to get up and go.
Your Bucket List Does Not Have to Be Expensive
You don't have to fly across the country to make a memory.
Look around your own community.
Cities, counties, and states often maintain calendars of festivals, concerts, parks, recreational activities, fairs, farmers markets, cultural events, and community programs.
Libraries have events.
Museums have special programs.
Parks have activities.
Restaurants sometimes host special dinners.
Local organizations hold festivals and gatherings.
Facebook and other event platforms can also help you discover things happening nearby.
Start looking for things you might normally overlook.
You may discover that there is an entire world happening outside your front door.
I Went to Ireland
One of the memories I am especially grateful for is my trip to Ireland.
I went with a couple of my children and a friend.
It was wonderful.
I could not do everything everyone else wanted to do.
And that was okay.
I did what my body allowed me to do.
They did some things I couldn't do.
Sometimes I rested while they went off and enjoyed something.
And sometimes we were together.
What mattered to me was watching my children laugh.
I wanted to see them having fun.
I wanted to experience the joy of being somewhere new with people I loved.
I didn't need to participate in every activity to enjoy the trip.
Sometimes I simply sat back and watched.
And those quiet moments were valuable too.
You Don't Have to Keep Up With Everyone
This is something I wish more people understood about living with cancer.
You don't have to do everything.
If your family wants to walk five miles and you can walk half a mile, walk half a mile.
If your friends want to stay out until midnight and you are exhausted by 8:00, go back to the hotel and rest.
If everyone wants to climb something and you can't, find a comfortable place to sit and enjoy the scenery.
You are not failing.
You are participating in the way your body allows.
Cancer may have changed your physical limits.
It does not have to eliminate your ability to experience joy.
I Kayaked During Chemotherapy
One of the things I loved doing was kayaking.
And yes, I kayaked while I was going through chemotherapy.
I wasn't trying to prove anything.
I wasn't racing anyone.
I wasn't attempting to paddle for miles.
I simply wanted to be on the water.
I would paddle.
Then I would rest.
Paddle.
Rest.
Look around.
Enjoy the scenery.
Paddle some more.
There was no hurry.
That became important to me.
I learned that I could enjoy an activity without doing it the way I had done it before cancer.
Before treatment, I might have paddled farther or faster.
During treatment, I adjusted.
The goal wasn't distance.
The goal was being there.
Sometimes Slowing Down Is the Point
There is something beautiful about realizing you don't have to accomplish anything.
Sometimes you can simply sit beside the water.
Watch the trees move.
Listen to birds.
Feel the breeze.
Watch the sunlight move across the water.
You don't have to turn every experience into an achievement.
Cancer can make you very aware of time.
That can make ordinary moments feel extraordinary.
A quiet afternoon outside may become a memory you treasure.
COVID Made Everything More Complicated
My cancer treatment happened during COVID.
That added another layer of fear.
I could not afford to get sick.
My immune system was being challenged by cancer treatment, and I had to be careful about exposure.
There were things I couldn't safely do.
There were people I couldn't casually visit.
There were places I avoided.
But being cautious did not mean I had to stop living completely.
Because so many activities were outdoors, hiking, fishing, and kayaking became some of the things I could still enjoy while reducing my exposure to other people.
I took precautions.
I paid attention to what was happening around me
I made decisions based on my circumstances.
And I still looked for ways to experience life.
I Even Flew to Visit a Friend
At one point, I flew to visit a friend.
I wore a mask.
I took precautions.
I knew there were risks, but I also knew that spending time with people I loved mattered to me.
Living during cancer treatment requires balance.
Sometimes the responsible decision is to stay home.
Sometimes the responsible decision is to go.
The point is not to ignore medical advice or pretend you have no limitations.
The point is to ask:
What can I safely do?
Then do that.
Don't Confuse Rest With Giving Up
There is an important difference between resting and withdrawing from life.
Your body may genuinely need rest.
Rest is part of taking care of yourself.
But there can also be a temptation to stay in bed because everything feels overwhelming.
Then one day becomes another.
The appointments continue.
The treatments continue.
The fear continues.
And suddenly you realize you have spent weeks or months waiting for life to start again.
You don't have to wait.
Life is happening now.
Even if it looks different than it did before cancer.
Get Out of the House When You Can
You may not be able to take a vacation.
That's okay.
Go sit outside.
Take a short walk.
Have lunch somewhere.
Visit a friend.
Drive somewhere scenic.
Go to the library.
Sit in a park.
Go fishing.
Watch your grandchildren play.
Take your dog somewhere new.
Get coffee.
Go for a short drive.
Find something that gives you a reason to leave the house.
If your medical team has given you restrictions, follow them.
If you're experiencing symptoms that make activity unsafe, listen to your body and seek medical guidance.
But when you are physically able to do something safely, don't let cancer convince you that you have to spend every day inside waiting for the next appointment.
Make Memories With Your Children
For me, this was especially important.
I wanted my children to have memories of their mother living.
I didn't want every memory from that period to be about cancer.
I wanted them to remember Ireland.
I wanted them to remember laughing.
I wanted them to remember kayaking.
I wanted them to remember eating good food.
I wanted them to remember the places we went.
I wanted them to remember that even though their mother had cancer, cancer didn't take every good moment from us.
That matters.
Children can feel the fear surrounding cancer.
They know when something is wrong.
Creating happy experiences doesn't erase that fear.
But it gives them something else to remember too.
Try Something You've Never Tried
Cancer can make life feel repetitive.
Treatment.
Home.
Appointment.
Home.
Scan.
Treatment.
Repeat.
Break the pattern when you can.
Try a new restaurant.
Order something you've never eaten.
Take a different route home.
Visit a town you've never explored.
Go to a local event.
Learn something.
Take pictures.
Listen to live music.
Find a new hiking trail.
Sit somewhere beautiful.
You don't have to accomplish something extraordinary.
You just need to experience something different.
Have a "No Cancer Talk" Day
Sometimes you need a break.
Tell your family:
"Today, I don't want to talk about cancer."
Talk about anything else.
Movies.
Food.
Sports.
Travel.
Your grandchildren.
A funny story.
Something ridiculous that happened at work.
Anything.
You are more than your diagnosis.
You deserve conversations that remind you of that.
Plan the Holiday Activities
Don't wait for the perfect year.
If you celebrate holidays, find a way to enjoy them.
Decorate.
Bake something.
Watch your favorite movie.
Go see Christmas lights.
Make Thanksgiving dinner.
Go to a fall festival.
Carve pumpkins.
Take family pictures.
Listen to holiday music.
Make a special meal.
Start a family tradition.
If you don't have the energy to do everything, choose one thing.
The goal isn't to create a magazine-perfect holiday.
The goal is to create a memory.
Give Yourself Permission to Enjoy Food
Cancer treatment can change appetite and taste.
Sometimes food doesn't taste the way it used to.
Sometimes nausea makes eating difficult.
Sometimes your medical team may recommend dietary restrictions or specific nutrition goals.
Follow the medical guidance you have been given.
But when you can safely eat something you enjoy, enjoy it.
Try a new restaurant.
Order the dessert.
Taste something you've never tried.
Share a meal with someone you love.
Sometimes a meal is about more than food.
It's about sitting across from someone and talking.
Plan Around Your Energy
One of the biggest lessons I learned was to stop pretending I had unlimited energy.
Instead, I planned around what I had.
If I knew I had treatment coming up, I adjusted my schedule.
If I had a good day, I took advantage of it.
If I was exhausted, I rested.
If I could paddle for twenty minutes, I paddled for twenty minutes.
I didn't have to turn twenty minutes into an hour.
Do what you can with what you have today.
Tomorrow may be different.
Don't Compare Your Cancer Journey to Someone Else's
This is important.
Someone else may be able to travel during chemotherapy.
Someone else may not be able to get out of bed.
Someone else may continue working.
Someone else may need to stop working.
Someone may exercise throughout treatment.
Someone else may need extensive rest.
Neither person's experience determines what yours should look like.
Your treatment, cancer type, medications, side effects, physical condition, and medical recommendations are unique to you.
The goal isn't to prove that you're strong.
The goal is to live as fully and safely as you can.
Planning for the Worst Can Actually Help You Live
This may sound strange.
But I believe that taking care of the difficult paperwork can actually free your mind.
If you have already organized your important documents, updated beneficiaries, created the necessary legal documents, made your wishes known, and told the people you trust where important information can be found, you don't have to carry that uncertainty every day.
You can say:
"I've prepared for the possibility. Now I'm going to live."
Preparing does not mean you expect to die.
It means you understand that life is unpredictable.
And once you've done what you can to prepare, you can turn your attention back toward living.
Don't Put Your Life on Hold
We often tell ourselves:
I'll travel when I'm better.
I'll go to that restaurant later.
I'll visit my friend next year.
I'll take that trip when treatment is over.
I'll make memories when I have more energy.
Sometimes waiting makes sense.
Sometimes it doesn't.
If something can safely be done today, why automatically postpone it?
Maybe you can't take the dream vacation.
Can you take a day trip?
Maybe you can't hike ten miles.
Can you sit in the park?
Maybe you can't kayak for hours.
Can you paddle for twenty minutes?
Maybe you can't attend the entire event.
Can you go for an hour?
Find the version you can do.
Live Within Your Limits—Not Inside Your Fear
There is a difference between respecting your limitations and allowing fear to become your entire world.
Respect your body.
Follow your medical team's instructions.
Protect yourself when you're vulnerable.
Rest when you need to.
Ask for help.
But don't automatically assume that because you have cancer, you cannot enjoy anything.
Ask instead:
What is possible today?
That question can open doors.
Your Life Is More Than Your Treatment Calendar
Your calendar may be filled with appointments.
But add other things too.
Put a lunch date on the calendar.
Schedule a family outing.
Write down a day trip.
Plan a movie night.
Put a concert on the calendar.
Schedule time outside.
Plan something that has absolutely nothing to do with cancer.
Your treatment calendar should not be the only calendar you have.
Make Memories on Purpose
Take pictures.
Take videos.
Laugh.
Tell stories.
Write down funny moments.
Save ticket stubs.
Take pictures of the food you tried.
Photograph the places you visited.
Record your children's laughter.
Write down what made you happy that day.
You don't need to know what the future holds to appreciate what is happening right now.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me
I wish someone had told me that I didn't have to wait until treatment was over to live.
I wish someone had reminded me that rest and living can coexist.
I wish someone had told me that I could adjust activities instead of eliminating them.
I wish someone had encouraged me to keep making memories with my children.
I wish someone had told me that it was okay to laugh while I had cancer.
It was okay to eat something delicious.
It was okay to travel.
It was okay to kayak.
It was okay to enjoy a beautiful day.
It was okay to have fun.
Cancer didn't cancel my life.
It changed it.
There is a difference.
Hope for Today
If you are living with cancer right now, I want you to remember something.
You are still here.
There may be things you cannot do.
There may be places you cannot safely go.
There may be days when treatment takes everything you have.
Honor those limitations.
But when you have a good day, use it.
Go somewhere.
Try something.
Laugh with someone.
Eat something good.
Watch the sunset.
Sit by the water.
Call a friend.
Take your children somewhere.
Make a memory.
You don't have to wait until cancer is over to live.
I didn't.
I kayaked during chemotherapy.
I traveled.
I went to Ireland.
I watched my children laugh.
I rested when I needed to.
I did what my body allowed me to do.
And I kept going.
Plan for the best. Prepare for the worst. But while you're here—live.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can I travel while receiving cancer treatment?
Some people can travel during treatment, while others may need to avoid travel because of treatment schedules, infection risk, blood counts, side effects, surgery recovery, or other medical concerns. Ask your oncology team before making travel plans, especially when flying or traveling far from your treatment center.
How can I enjoy life when cancer takes so much energy?
Start small. Choose activities that match your energy level. A short walk, meal with a friend, scenic drive, movie night, or time outdoors can still create meaningful moments.
What if I can't do the activities I used to enjoy?
Look for a modified version. If you cannot hike for miles, take a short nature walk. If you cannot kayak for hours, spend a short time on the water if your medical team says it is safe. The goal is participation, not performance.
Should I make a bucket list after a cancer diagnosis?
A bucket list can be a helpful way to identify experiences that matter to you. It does not have to be about dying. It can simply be a list of things you want to experience and enjoy.
Is it okay to have fun while I have cancer?
Absolutely. Laughter, travel, food, hobbies, celebrations, and time with people you love are not a betrayal of the seriousness of your illness. You can take cancer seriously while still enjoying your life.
What if I feel guilty for enjoying myself?
You don't have to earn the right to experience happiness. Having a good day does not mean you are ignoring your cancer. It means you are allowing yourself to experience something good while living through something difficult.
Support on Your Journey
Cancer can make you feel as though your entire world revolves around medical appointments.
It doesn't have to.
Make your medical appointments.
Take your medications.
Follow your treatment plan.
Ask questions.
Rest when your body needs rest.
And then look for the moments that belong to you.
The dinner.
The trip.
The kayak.
The sunset.
The laugh.
The hug.
The new food.
The silly story.
The quiet afternoon.
Those moments matter.
You don't know exactly how many moments any of us have.
None of us do.
That's not a reason to live in fear.
It's a reason to make the moments we have count.
Plan for the best. Prepare for the worst. And don't forget to live.
Author's Note
This article reflects my personal experience living with cancer and is intended for encouragement and general educational purposes. Activities during cancer treatment should be discussed with your healthcare team, particularly when treatment affects immunity, blood counts, strength, balance, wound healing, or infection risk. Travel and outdoor activities may not be appropriate for everyone.
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References
Reference
National Cancer Institute. "Emotions and Cancer." www.cancer.gov/emotions-and-cancer
National Cancer Institute. "Daily Life During Cancer." www.cancer.gov/daily-life-during-cancer
National Cancer Institute. "Coping With Cancer." www.cancer.gov/coping-with-cancer
National Cancer Institute. "Daily Routine During Cancer." www.cancer.gov/daily-routine-during-cancer
National Cancer Institute. "Traveling During Cancer Treatment." www.cancer.gov/traveling-during-cancer-treatment
American Cancer Society. "Physical Activity When You Have Cancer." www.cancer.org/physical-activity-when-you-have-cancer
American Cancer Society. "Traveling During Cancer Treatment." www.cancer.org/traveling-during-cancer-treatment
American Cancer Society. "Nutrition and Physical Activity During and After Cancer Treatment." www.cancer.org/nutrition-and-physical-activity-during-and-after-treatment
About the Author:
Deborah Ann Martin is the founder of Surviving Life Lessons, a published author, poet, speaker, and trainer with over 20 years of management experience across multiple industries. An MBA graduate, U.S. veteran, single mother, and rare cancer survivor, Deborah brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her writing on resilience, leadership, personal growth, and overcoming adversity. Her mission is to empower others with practical wisdom and real-life insight to navigate life’s challenges with strength and purpose.
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