Writing Through Hard Things: When the Words Are Heavy
- Deborah Ann Martin
- Jul 3
- 8 min read
Some days, writing flows. The words come easily. The thoughts are clear. You sit down, and you just go and go. Before you know it, it's 1:00 am. You realize you haven't moved for hours.
And then there are days when every word feels heavy.
Maybe you’ve been through something—grief, loss, anxiety, heartbreak, or just plain exhaustion—and every sentence feels like a mountain. The story is inside you, but writing it down feels impossible. Each stroke of the pen or strike of a keyboard tugs at your heart and head.
I know that feeling, too.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Writing won’t change the past.
It may not fix what’s happening right now.
And writing through hard things won’t always make the pain go away.
But here’s something I’ve learned: Writing doesn’t erase the hard things—but it lightens them, just enough to let you breathe, to move forward, to carry them a little better than before.
Why We Write During Hard Times
When life gets heavy, our instinct is often to shut down. We want to avoid the pain, distract ourselves, or pretend it isn’t there. But writing? Writing gives us another option.
Writing doesn’t demand that we fix everything. It just invites us to be honest. And sometimes, that honesty is enough to shift something inside us.
It gives us a place to:
Untangle the chaos inside and find clarity in the confusion
Release what we've been quietly carrying
Remember the quiet strength that keeps us going
Name the pain without judgment
Witness our own story with compassion
Sit with what hurts without letting it define us
Turn struggle into something we can hold, understand, or hopefully can let go
It can help you stay grounded in this moment, just this one.
And sometimes, writing is the only way to tell the truth when words fail you out loud.
Writing isn’t about having the right words. It’s about choosing to begin, even when it’s hard. It’s about showing up for yourself, in whatever way you can, and letting that be enough. You don’t have to say it perfectly. You don’t have to make it all make sense. But starting—that small, brave act—can begin to heal, help you move forward, or simply carry you through the next moment.
Even if no one ever reads your words, they matter. Every part of your story deserves to be heard, especially the hard parts.
Why It’s Hard to Write When You’re Hurting
Writing forces us to sit still and face our thoughts. Writing asks us to pause and sit with our thoughts, and when those thoughts are painful, that stillness can feel overwhelming or very frightening.
Some common emotional blocks include:
Fear of reliving the pain and opening old wounds
Not knowing how to begin or what to say
Worrying that your words won’t come out “right” or might seem messy
Feeling vulnerable or exposed, as if your private pain might be judged
Concern about burdening others with your story
Doubting whether your experience is important or valid enough to write about
Struggling to find the energy or motivation when grief or trauma weighs heavily
Feeling stuck in your emotions, unsure how to express what’s inside
Fearing that writing won’t actually change anything or bring relief
You are not alone in these feelings. Writing about trauma, grief, or mental health can be incredibly difficult—that’s exactly why it can be so healing and transformative.
Tips for Writing Through the Hard Things
This blog isn’t about forcing yourself to write when you’re not ready. It’s about finding gentle ways to let the words come—if and when they want to.
1. Write Without Rules
Forget grammar. Forget structure. My favorite part. Just write whatever shows up. If that’s “I don’t know what to write,” 10 times in a row, that’s okay or just do what I call a "brain dump." My "brain dump" usually consists of everything that I have to do around the house, errands..etc. Once I unload my head of all the mental distractions. I can focus on the heart stuff.
Of course, when I am working on the heart stuff, I start thinking of other things. I just add it to my list to look at later. Then continue with what I was doing.
The most important thing is to give yourself permission to start without pressure or expectation. Let your words be messy, real, and imperfect. Writing isn’t about getting it “right”; it’s about making space for whatever shows up.
Once you clear the mental clutter, even just a little, you can create room to connect with what truly matters—the heart of your experience. And that’s where the real writing begins.
2. Write to Someone (Even if They’re Not Here)
Sometimes it’s easier to write to someone rather than write about something. Writers often imagine a specific person—their “target audience”—and write directly to them. For example, an author writing a finance book might picture a young college student sitting beside them, listening as they explain how to prepare for a secure financial future.
Try picturing your own target person as you write. Imagine telling them what you might find too difficult to say out loud.
You might write:
A letter to someone who hurt you
A message to a loved one you’ve lost
A note to your younger or future self
A letter to a coworker who causes you stress but you can’t confront
A message to a friend you find hard to be vulnerable with
In everyday life, there are people who cause us pain or anxiety—people we can’t always speak honestly to without risking something important, like a job, a relationship, or our sense of safety. Writing to them can give voice to those feelings, helping you untangle and process what’s really going on inside.
3. Let It Be Ugly
Your writing doesn’t have to be polite, pretty, or hold back. In fact, it’s the one place where you should say the mean words—the anger, the frustration, the hurt—the way you actually feel them. Use curse words if that’s what comes out. Tell them off. Let it be real and raw.
Sometimes, in real life, you can’t say what you really think. Maybe it’s the coworkers who make your workday miserable, the people who hold power over you, or those who spread lies behind your back. You have to keep a mask on, be careful with your words, and hold your feelings inside.
But in your writing? You don’t have to hold back. You get to give them a BIG piece of your mind—the one you keep bottled up. Writing can be your safe place to vent, scream, or just say exactly what you feel, without fear or consequence.
4. Stop If It Feels Too Much
Writing about trauma or pain can stir up deep emotions, and that’s okay. You don’t have to force yourself to keep going if it becomes overwhelming or triggering. Listen to your body and mind.
Take a deep breath, step away, and give yourself permission to pause. Healing isn’t a race, and neither is writing about it. Sometimes the best thing you can do is simply rest.
You can come back to your writing when you feel ready—or not at all. The choice is yours. What matters most is caring for yourself throughout the process. If you feel you want to talk to someone about it before you can finish, that's why we have the groups and the services on this website.
Remember, healing takes time. So does writing through it. Be patient and gentle with yourself every step of the way.
How to Protect Your Mental Health While Writing
Writing can be a powerful tool for expression, but it can also bring up strong emotions. To take care of yourself along the way, try these simple practices:
Set a time limit. Keep your writing sessions to 10–15 minutes to avoid overwhelm.
Create a safe, calming environment. Surround yourself with things that soothe you—a cozy blanket, soft music, or anything comforting.
Close each session with grounding rituals. Take a walk, say a prayer, listen to a favorite song, or stretch—whatever helps you return to the present moment.
And most importantly, remember: it’s always okay to pause or stop whenever you need to.
What to Do With Your Writing Afterward
After writing something heavy, you might feel unsure about what to do with it. Here’s the good news: there’s no right or wrong way.
You can choose to:
Keep it private
Save it in a journal or digital folder
Delete it—sometimes just the act of writing is enough
Share it with someone you trust
Transform it into a poem or story when you’re ready
Print it out and burn it if that feels meaningful
Reach out for counseling and share it if you need support
What truly matters is that your trying to move forward. That alone is powerful. Keep writing in whatever way feels authentic to you—because every word is a step, and every step moves you forward on your journey.
My Experience Writing Through Hard Times
For me, writing became a lifeline during one of the hardest seasons of my life—my divorce. When he walked out, the grief hit me so deeply it took my breath away. Nights were the hardest; I couldn’t sleep without him beside me. The betrayal stung even more because it wasn’t just from him, but from someone who had acted like a friend. The pain of being betrayed by two people was overwhelming.
I turned to writing as a way to make sense of it all. I wrote about the heartbreak of someone who didn’t raise my children wanting them to call her “mom.” I wrote to heal, to process the betrayal, to hold space for my grief, and to find a way toward forgiveness—not because I wanted to forget what happened, but because I needed to reclaim my peace. Writing helped me walk through the darkness and move forward, step by step.
I share this with you because I truly understand how heavy those words can feel. But I also know the healing power that comes from giving those feelings a voice on the page. If you’re holding hard feelings inside, know that your story matters. Writing isn’t just about putting words on paper—it’s about making room for your heart, your pain, and ultimately, your healing.
Keep writing, even when it feels hard. Your words are a powerful part of your journey, and with each one, you’re moving closer to peace.
The Prompt Corner
The Prompt Corner is a special place to encourage writing. Whether you’re new or experienced, prompts help you explore your story. These are designed with care—write at your own pace.
Here are five prompts for writing through hard things:
Write a letter to someone you’ve lost. Say the things you wish you could say now.
Describe a painful moment using only five sentences. Then write five sentences about what got you through it.
Write a journal entry titled: “I’m not okay, but…”
List five things you’ve survived—and one thing each taught you.
Write about something that still hurts. Then write how you hope to feel about it someday.
You don’t have to write all at once. Even one sentence is a win.
Free & Paid Tools to Support Your Writing
These tools are great when you’re writing about emotional or heavy topics. Try them out to see what fits your style and needs.
Day One – A private, password-protected journal app perfect for emotional writing.
Penzu – Offers a private online journaling experience with secure entries.
Reflectly – Uses guided prompts and mood tracking to support emotional awareness.
Calm – Not a writing tool, but great for calming your mind before or after a deep writing session.
Some links may be affiliate links. If you choose to use them, it helps support our website at no extra cost to you. Want more tools? Check out the full list in the Resources tab of our site.
Want more tools? Check out the full list of writing resources on the resource page on our website.
Write with Us: You’re Not Alone in the Hard Stuff
Sometimes, the hardest stories to write are the ones that need to be written the most. Your pain, your truth, your survival—it matters. And someone else out there might need your words someday.
Join our Groups if you’re ready to write through it, not around it. You don’t have to go it alone.
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