Treating Yourself Like Someone You Love Daily

For most of my life, my time, energy, and money went to other people, my ex, my kids, my job, my home. I always put myself last.

If there was one piece of pie left, I’d give it away.

If there was one extra dollar, it went toward someone else’s need.

If there was one free hour in my day, it was used to help somebody else.

That became my normal. I convinced myself that being selfless was what good people did. But somewhere in all that giving, I disappeared.

It took years and a lot of healing to realize that loving others doesn’t mean neglecting yourself.

Woman cooking dinner for herself with self-care and contentment

Learning to Put Yourself on the List

It started small for me, just one small act of kindness toward myself.

One day, I saw steak on sale at the grocery store. Not the usual tough round steak that I’d buy for the kids, but a beautiful ribeye, my favorite.

I stood there for a minute thinking, I can’t buy that. It’s too expensive.

But then another thought followed: Why not?

I work hard. I pay my bills. I do everything for everyone else. Why shouldn’t I treat myself once in a while?

So, I bought the ribeye.

That night, I seasoned it just right, cooked it the way I liked, and sat down to eat, just me and my steak.

And you know what? It felt good.

It wasn’t about the food. It was about giving myself permission to feel worthy of something nice.

Breaking the Guilt Habit

At first, I felt guilty spending money on myself. I’d hear that voice in my head saying, "You could have saved that money. You could have bought something for someone else."

But guilt doesn’t build self-worth, it tears it down.

I started reminding myself: I pay my bills. I give to others. I show up every day. I deserve something too.

Now, sometimes I’ll buy a new shirt, or get a good haircut, or splurge on something small that makes me feel cared for. It’s not about vanity or luxury. It’s about self-respect.

You don’t have to wait for someone else to treat you kindly. You can start by doing it for yourself.

Why Self-Care Isn’t Selfish When Treating Yourself Like Someone You Love

Somewhere along the way, many of us were taught that taking care of ourselves means we’re being selfish.

But real self-care isn’t about ignoring others, it’s about making sure we’re healthy enough to keep showing up for them.

You can’t pour from an empty cup. You can’t love fully if you’re running on fumes.

When I take care of myself, physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, I’m more patient, kind, and joyful.

I show up better for the people I love because I’m not running on resentment or exhaustion.

That’s not selfish. That’s wise.

The Freedom to Enjoy What You’ve Earned

I’ve reached a place where I can say this without guilt: I deserve good things.

Not because I’m perfect. Not because I’ve “earned” it in some big way. But because I’m human. Because I matter.

When I buy a small treat or take time to rest, it’s not a reward, it’s maintenance for my soul.

It’s my way of saying, "I see you. You’ve worked hard. You deserve peace too."

What You Can Try Today

1. Do one kind thing for yourself. Even something simple — a meal you love, a walk, or quiet time.

2. Buy yourself something small. A candle, book, or treat that makes you smile.

3. Stop apologizing for rest. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for self-care.

4. Speak kindly to yourself. You deserve the same compassion you give others.

5. Set time for you on the calendar. Keep that appointment sacred.

6. Reflect on guilt. Ask yourself where it came from — and if it’s really yours to carry.

7. Celebrate your wins. Big or small, they count.

8. Say “I deserve this” — and mean it.

9. Thank your body for showing up. It’s carried you through so much.

10. Remind yourself daily: Loving yourself helps you love others better.
    

You Are Worth the Effort

Learning to treat yourself like someone you love changes everything.

You stop begging for scraps of care from people who can’t give them. You stop waiting for validation from those who won’t offer it. You start realizing that you are capable of giving yourself the same kindness you’ve always given away.

Now, when I buy that ribeye or book a haircut, I don’t hear guilt anymore. I hear gratitude, for how far I’ve come, and for the peace I’ve found in finally believing I’m worth the effort.

Support on Your Journey

If this message spoke to your heart, I’d love for you to keep walking this road with us. Join the Surviving Life Lessons Community Groups—a safe space to share your reflections, ask questions, and grow alongside others who are learning to love themselves again.

JOIN A GROUP

And if you ever need someone to simply listen, visit our Neighbor Chat Service. We’re not counselors, we’re just people listening to people. Sometimes all you need is a reminder that someone cares.

VISIT OUR NEIGHBOR CHAT

Keep walking in light. Keep believing in yourself.

And remember, this isn’t the end of your journey.

It’s the beginning of becoming the person you were always meant to be.

About the Author:

Deborah Ann Martin is the founder of Surviving Life Lessons, a published author, poet, speaker, and trainer with over 20 years of management experience across multiple industries. An MBA graduate, U.S. veteran, single mother, and rare cancer survivor, Deborah brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her writing on resilience, leadership, personal growth, and overcoming adversity. Her mission is to empower others with practical wisdom and real-life insight to navigate life’s challenges with strength and purpose.