Practicing Forgiveness: How Letting Go Frees Your Mind and Heart
- Deborah Ann Martin
- Jan 22
- 5 min read
Practicing forgiveness is one of the hardest things to do. Especially when the person who hurt you is someone close. Family, friends, or partners know your deepest parts, so when they betray or wound you, it cuts far deeper than if a stranger had done it.
Forgiveness isn’t about pretending the pain didn’t happen. It’s about deciding that you don’t want to live your life stuck in that pain.
There should always be boundaries. People are human, and humans make mistakes. When someone is truly sorry, forgiveness comes easier. You see their regret, their desire to make things right, and your heart softens. For those who are mean, who continually do it over and over with no regret or remorse, those who don't care...
Forgiveness feels impossible!
When Forgiveness Feels Out of Reach
It’s hard to forgive when the other person refuses to see what they did wrong. When they twist things to make it your fault. When they repeat the same hurtful behavior over and over again without ever learning.
That’s when the wound stays open. You start having conversations in your head, the ones where you say everything you wish you’d said out loud. You replay the situation again and again, trying to make sense of it.
I’ve been there.
After my divorce, I had to block my ex on social media because everything they posted annoyed me. Every picture, every comment, stirred up the same emotions I was trying to let go of. I’d think about the things that were said, what went wrong, and how unfair it all felt.
The more I thought about it, the angrier I became. I told friends and family about what happened, and then they were upset too. It turned into this big circle of frustration, pain, and negativity. Nobody was healing, least of all me.
That’s when I realized something important: forgiveness wasn’t for them. It was for me.
Why Forgiveness Is About You
The Harvard Health Publishing team explains that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing what happened. It means letting go of the emotional weight that keeps you stuck. Holding on to anger and resentment raises stress, increases blood pressure, and leads to anxiety and depression.
I’ve felt that weight before, the tight chest, the headaches, the sleepless nights. Carrying resentment feels like dragging a heavy stone everywhere you go. It doesn’t punish the other person; it punishes you.
The American Psychological Association says that forgiveness is a form of emotional release. It reduces your body’s stress response and allows healing to begin. In other words, forgiving helps your mind and body breathe again.
Most of the time, the person who hurt you isn’t sitting around worrying about what they did. They’ve moved on. Meanwhile, you’re still stewing in the corner, thinking about it over and over. They’re living their life while you’re stuck replaying the pain.
That’s when forgiveness becomes a form of freedom.
Forgiveness Is Not Weakness
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean what they did was okay. It doesn’t mean you have to forget or invite them back into your life. Forgiveness is about releasing the hold they have on your thoughts, emotions, and peace.
It’s strength, not weakness, to say, “I’m done carrying this.”
The Greater Good Science Center at UC Berkeley found that people who practice forgiveness regularly experience less stress, fewer symptoms of depression, and higher overall life satisfaction. They also have healthier relationships because they stop letting past pain dictate their present behavior.
Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past, but it helps you stop reliving it. It opens up space for new memories and healthier emotions.
Sometimes I tell myself that forgiving and living my best life is the best revenge. Not out of spite, but out of choice. Because peace of mind is better than bitterness.
Letting Go of What Hurts
Letting go isn’t easy. It takes time. It takes processing. Some days you think you’re over it, and then a memory or a song pulls you right back. That’s normal. Healing isn’t linear.
Forgiveness starts small. It begins when you stop feeding the pain. When you catch yourself replaying the hurt, choose to think about something else instead. When you stop checking their social media. When you stop trying to convince others how bad they were and focus instead on how strong you are.
The National Institutes of Health notes that mindfulness and gratitude help shift focus away from resentment. When you fill your thoughts with things that bring joy and peace, there’s less room for bitterness to grow.
Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time decision. It’s something you practice daily until one day, the thought of them doesn’t sting anymore.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
Forgiveness and boundaries go hand in hand. You can forgive someone and still decide that they no longer belong in your daily life. You can wish them well from afar while protecting your peace.
Boundaries don’t mean you’re bitter; they mean you’ve learned. They remind you that loving yourself is part of forgiveness, too.
The Mayo Clinic explains that setting boundaries after emotional pain helps prevent future harm and builds emotional resilience. Forgiveness doesn’t mean opening the same door that hurt you, it means closing it gently and walking toward peace.
Boundaries allow forgiveness to exist without fear. They make space for both compassion and self-respect.
The Freedom in Forgiveness
When you finally release the anger, something shifts. You start to feel lighter. The same situations that used to trigger you don’t have the same power anymore. You laugh more. You sleep better. You start to live again.
Forgiveness doesn’t erase the past, it untangles you from it. It gives you your power back.
You realize that the real strength lies in your ability to rise above what tried to break you. You no longer let that person or moment define who you are. Instead, you define yourself by how you choose to heal.
That is what real freedom feels like.
What You Can Try Today
Acknowledge the hurt. You can’t forgive what you won’t face.
Let yourself feel. It’s okay to cry, grieve, or even be angry, emotions are part of healing.
Stop rehearsing the pain. When the same thoughts return, redirect them toward peace.
Write it out. Journaling helps process emotions and see them more clearly.
Choose peace daily. Forgiveness isn’t one decision. It’s a daily choice to let go.
The Cleveland Clinic reports that writing forgiveness letters, even if you never send them, helps people process anger and restore emotional balance. Sometimes you need to say what you never could, just to release it from your heart.
Support on Your Journey
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult but powerful forms of self-discovery. It teaches you that peace isn’t found in controlling others, but in mastering your own emotions.
In our Neighbor Chat , we often talk about what it means to heal from hurt and reclaim your peace. Forgiveness doesn’t make you weak, it makes you free.
The next post in this series, “Practicing Gratitude Daily: How Focusing on the Good Changes Everything,” will explore how building a mindset of thankfulness can shift your heart, health, and happiness.
Because forgiveness isn’t about forgetting the past, it’s about making peace with it so you can move forward.
References
Harvard Health Publishing. “The Power of Forgiveness.” https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/the-power-of-forgiveness
American Psychological Association. “Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness.” https://www.apa.org/topics/forgiveness
Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley. “The Science of Forgiveness.” https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition
National Institutes of Health. “Forgiveness and Mental Health.” https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6124959/
Mayo Clinic. “Forgiveness: Letting Go of Grudges and Bitterness.” https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692
Cleveland Clinic. “How to Forgive Someone Who Hurt You.” https://health.clevelandclinic.org/how-to-forgive-someone
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