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Learning How to Enjoy Your Own Company After Divorce


A man sitting comfortably on his couch, smiling while reading a book, symbolizing the joy and peace of finding contentment in one's own company after a divorce.
Find joy in your own company.


When my divorce was finalized, the thing I noticed most wasn’t the legal papers on the counter or the rearranged furniture in the living room. It was the silence.


For years, my days had been filled with conversation, noise, and the constant rhythm of another person’s presence. Mornings revolved around getting everyone out the door. Afternoons were a blur of errands, after-school logistics, or work catch-up. Evenings belonged to family routines, shared dinners, shared shows, shared space.


And then, suddenly, I had space.


There were mornings when no one needed me to make breakfast. Afternoons when the house sat completely still. Evenings when I could hear my own footsteps echo through the hallway.

At first, that silence felt suffocating. I didn’t know how to sit with myself. I found myself reaching for noise: the TV, my phone, background music, even busywork just to avoid the quiet.


But here’s what I discovered: learning how to be alone after divorce is not just part of healing. It’s a crucial life skill. And when you get comfortable in your own company, every future relationship becomes stronger, healthier, and more aligned with who you really are.


Why Alone Time Feels So Hard at First

After a divorce, being alone isn’t just about filling your time — it’s about adjusting to a whole new identity. You’re no longer part of a couple, and that shift can feel disorienting, even if you wanted the divorce.


You might feel:

  • Discomfort with silence, because it brings up emotions you’re not ready to face

  • Pressure to stay busy as a way to avoid feeling sad, anxious, or uncertain

  • Awkward or insecure, especially in public settings without a “plus one”

  • Disconnected from your past self, unsure what you even enjoy anymore


Society often paints being alone as negative, as if you’ve been left behind. But in reality, solitude can become your greatest asset if you learn how to use it.


Why Learning How to Enjoy Your Own Company Is So Important

Getting comfortable with your own company gives you clarity, peace, and power in a way that no one else can offer. Here’s what changes when you embrace it:


1. You Build Confidence and Self-Trust

After years of making decisions based on your partner or kids, making choices just for yourself might feel unfamiliar. But every time you plan a solo outing, try something new, or simply choose how to spend your evening, you strengthen your ability to trust your own voice again.


2. You Learn to Choose, Not Settle

When you can enjoy life on your own, you no longer settle for friendships or relationships that drain you. You stop filling your calendar with things that don’t align with your values. You begin to choose connection over clinging, joy over obligation.


3. You Learn What You Actually Like and Don't Like

Without someone else’s preferences influencing your time, you’re free to rediscover what lights you up. And yes, sometimes that means trial and error. But every experiment gives you valuable insight about your identity post-divorce.


4. You Boost Your Emotional & Mental Health

According to research from the Mayo Clinic and Psychology Today, intentional time alone can:

  • Lower stress and anxiety

  • Improve emotional regulation

  • Enhance creativity and problem-solving

  • Increase productivity and focus

  • Strengthen your sense of identity


So no, spending time alone isn’t lazy, selfish, or weird. It’s actually one of the healthiest investments you can make in your new life.


5. You Prepare for Future Relationships

When you know how to be happy alone, you don’t need someone to fill a void. You choose relationships because you want them, not because you need them.


Getting Comfortable in the Quiet

The first step is to get used to the quiet without rushing to fill it. That doesn’t mean sitting still for hours; it means allowing yourself to be present in your own company.


Try this:

  • Start with short stretches: 10 to 15 minutes without your phone or TV.

  • Choose a “comfort activity” like tea on the porch, journaling, or light stretching.

  • Practice noticing your thoughts without judging them.


You’re teaching your mind that your own presence is enough.


Ways to Spend Quality Time Alone

Here are ideas for making your alone time something you actually look forward to:


Creative Outlets

  • Writing or journaling

  • Painting or sketching

  • Photography

  • Playing or learning an instrument


Active Outlets

  • Walking or hiking

  • Yoga or Pilates

  • Solo sports like swimming or cycling


Learning & Growth

  • Taking a class (art, cooking, dance, foreign language)

  • Reading books that inspire you

  • Watching documentaries or listening to educational podcasts


Rest & Reflection

  • Meditation or prayer

  • Long baths with music or candles

  • Slow mornings with coffee and no rush


From Alone to Empowered

Here’s the part they don’t tell you: the more you enjoy your own company, the less tolerance you’ll have for relationships that don’t serve you.


  • You’ll stop chasing people who can’t meet your energy.

  • You’ll set boundaries more confidently.

  • You’ll create a life you actually want to invite someone into, not one where someone needs to come and “fix” the broken pieces.


This is especially powerful if you were a people-pleaser in your marriage. Alone time gives you the space to figure out what you want, so you never lose yourself in someone else again. That’s the ultimate freedom after divorce: you get to build something new, from the inside out.


A Final Thought: You’ve Got This

Learning to be alone after divorce isn’t about isolation. It’s about building a strong, steady relationship with yourself, one that becomes the foundation for every future connection you’ll make.


But if it feels too heavy to do this work on your own, you don’t have to.


In our support groups, you’ll find people who understand exactly where you are because they’re living it too. You’ll get encouragement, real conversation, and practical tools for rebuilding a life that feels like yours again.


You’re not too broken. You’re not behind. You’re just getting started, and you’re not alone.


What You Can Try Today

Think about it... what do YOU CHOOSE today... Choose you intentionally today.


  • Spend 15 minutes doing something enjoyable alone, no phone, no background noise.

  • Go to a café or restaurant by yourself and order something you’ve never tried.

  • Make a “me list” of 10 things that make you happy, big or small.

  • Plan one solo outing this week: a movie, a walk, a museum, or a class.

  • Write down one boundary you want to set in your next relationship.

You’re Not Alone in This


Rebuilding your identity after divorce can feel like uncharted territory — but you don’t have to navigate it alone.


In our support groups, you’ll find people just like you: learning who they are now, asking the same questions, and figuring it out one step at a time. Whether you’re rediscovering old passions or taking your first brave steps into something new, you’ll be surrounded by encouragement, understanding, and real connection.


If you’re ready for community, support, and honest conversations, we’d love to have you.


You’re not too late. You’re not too much. You’re not alone.




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