Family Intimacy: Being a Grandparent Looks Different Now
- Deborah Ann Martin
- Jun 24
- 5 min read
Grandparenting Today
There used to be a narrow picture of what grandparenting looked like.
Grandparents lived close.
They were physically able.
They babysat often.
They showed up to school events.
They spent holidays together.
For some families, that is still true. For many others, it is not.
Today, grandparents come in many forms and live in many realities. Some have mobility challenges. Some live miles away. Some help raise grandchildren full time. Some see them once or twice a year. Some connect mostly through phones, video chats, or even video games. Some are rebuilding relationships later in life. Some are learning as they go.
None of these realities disqualify someone from being a meaningful grandparent.
This post exists to say something that needs to be said clearly and kindly.
Being a grandparent looks different now. And that is okay.
There Is No Single “Right” Way to Be a Grandparent
Grandparenting is not one role. It is a relationship.
That relationship is shaped by:
• Health
• Distance
• Family structure
• Schedules
• Resources
• Life stage
• History
Comparing one grandparent’s role to another’s only creates unnecessary guilt.
Presence matters more than proximity.
Intention matters more than frequency.
Connection matters more than tradition.
Why This Conversation Matters
Many grandparents quietly carry worry.
Am I doing enough?
Do they know I love them?
Will they remember me?
Am I missing out?
Others carry exhaustion.
I am raising them again.
I am tired.
I want joy, not just responsibility.
And some carry sadness.
I wish I could see them more.
I wish things were different.
This series is not about what should be. It is about what can be, right where you are.
Grandparenting Has Changed With the World
Families look different now.
People move for work.
Health challenges are more common.
Technology has changed communication.
Households are more diverse.
The role of grandparents has adapted alongside these changes.
Connection is no longer limited to geography or physical ability.
Presence Is Not Only Physical
For a long time, presence meant being there in person.
Today, presence can also mean:
• Regular video calls
• Voice messages
• Texts
• Online games together
• Watching a child play remotely
• Reading stories over video
These moments still build connection.
Children remember who showed interest, consistency, and care.
When Mobility or Health Limits Your Participation
Some grandparents want to be more physically active but cannot.
This can bring grief, frustration, or self judgment.
Here is the truth.
You do not have to keep up to keep connected.
Sitting and watching still matters.
Cheering still matters.
Listening still matters.
Encouraging still matters.
Children feel presence through attention, not activity level.
When Distance Is Part of the Relationship
Many grandparents live far away.
Distance does not erase connection. It changes how connection happens.
Consistency helps:
• Weekly or biweekly calls
• A shared routine
• Sending messages between calls
• Talking about everyday life
Small, predictable touchpoints create emotional closeness even across miles.
Technology Is Not the Enemy of Connection
There is a lot of criticism around screens.
But for grandparents and grandkids, technology can be a bridge.
Video chats allow:
• Face to face connection
• Seeing expressions
• Sharing stories
• Showing artwork or toys
Online games allow:
• Shared experiences
• Teamwork
• Laughter
• Learning each other’s worlds
Battling aliens together still counts as bonding.
When You Are the Babysitter or Live Together
Some grandparents are deeply involved in daily caregiving.
This role is meaningful, but it can also be exhausting.
When grandparents help raise grandchildren:
• Boundaries matter
• Support matters
• Joy still matters
You are not just a helper. You are still a grandparent.
Finding moments of fun protects the relationship and your well being.
When You Only See Them Occasionally
Some grandparents see their grandchildren once or twice a year.
This can feel heartbreaking.
But children remember:
• How you made them feel
• The attention you gave
• The time you spent focused on them
Quality matters more than quantity.
Short visits can still create lasting memories.
When Relationships Are Complicated
Some families have history.
Some connections are rebuilding.
Some are cautious.
Some are evolving slowly.
Grandparenting does not have to be all or nothing.
Showing up gently, respectfully, and consistently matters.
What Grandchildren Really Need From Grandparents
Children do not need perfection.
They need:
• Interest
• Attention
• Kindness
• Encouragement
• Emotional safety
They want to feel seen.
How Grandparent Connection Supports Mental Health
Strong grandparent relationships support:
• Emotional regulation
• Sense of belonging
• Family identity
• Confidence
• Security
For grandparents, connection supports:
• Purpose
• Emotional health
• Reduced loneliness
• Joy
• Meaning
This relationship benefits everyone involved.
Letting Go of Guilt
Guilt steals joy.
If you are doing what you can with what you have, you are enough.
Grandchildren do not need you to be everything. They need you to be you.
Building Connection Where You Are
Connection grows through intention.
That intention might look like:
• Scheduling regular calls
• Learning a game they love
• Asking about their interests
• Sharing stories
• Being present during visits
Small efforts add up.
It Is Never Too Late to Start
Some grandparents worry they missed their chance.
Connection can begin at any age.
Children and adults both respond to genuine care.
It is never too late to show interest, curiosity, and love.
A Gentle Reminder
Grandparenting does not have one shape.
It stretches across distance, health, time, and technology.
Every form of presence counts.
Connection Beyond Distance
If you are a grandparent navigating connection in a changing world, you are not alone.
Our community groups are spaces where grandparents share ideas, challenges, and joy as they build meaningful relationships with their grandchildren in all kinds of circumstances.
You are welcome to join us and be part of the conversation.
A safe, welcoming space to talk about anything on your mind. No fixing, no pressure, just connection and understanding.
Support focused on breaking life challenges into smaller SMART goals so you can move forward with clarity and less overwhelm.
A supportive group space to connect with others navigating similar challenges and life transitions.
You are welcome to choose the support that fits your needs right now.
References and Further Reading
American Psychological Association Article: The Importance of Grandparent Relationshipshttps://www.apa.org/monitor/nov01/grandparents
Harvard Health Publishing Article: How Social Connections Support Emotional Healthhttps://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/the-importance-of-social-connection
National Institute on Aging Article: Connecting With Family Across Distancehttps://www.nia.nih.gov/health/maintaining-family-connections
About the Author:
Deborah Ann Martin is the founder of Surviving Life Lessons, a published author, poet, speaker, and trainer with over 20 years of management experience across multiple industries. An MBA graduate, U.S. veteran, single mother, and rare cancer survivor, Deborah brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her writing on resilience, leadership, personal growth, and overcoming adversity. Her mission is to empower others with practical wisdom and real-life insight to navigate life’s challenges with strength and purpose.
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