Facing Your Inner Critic: Why You’re So Hard on Yourself (and How to Change That)

Have you ever caught yourself thinking…

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “Why can’t I get this right?”

• “No one really cares about me.”

  
  

That harsh voice inside your head isn’t the truth. It’s your inner critic. And for many of us, that critic sounds like someone from our past.

The hardest voice to silence is the one in your head.

Where Your Inner Critic Comes From

For me, my inner critic was trained in childhood.

Growing up, I had a narcissistic mother who acted like I was a disappointment. Nothing I did was enough. My father was negative, angry, and cold. I heard things like, “Move your fat butt,” even when I was skinny. Over time, I believed them.

The harshest words people said to me later in life didn’t hurt as much, because my inner critic had already said worse.

If this sounds familiar, know this: That inner critic wasn’t born in you. It was built in you.

And it can be unlearned.

What the Inner Critic Sounds Like

Your inner critic might sound like:

• “You’re lazy. You’ll never finish anything.”

• “Everyone’s judging you.”

• “You’ll never get this right.”

• “Why even try? You’ll just fail again.”

• “People are just being nice to your face. They don’t mean it.”

Sometimes, it uses the voice of a parent, a partner, or even a teacher from your past. But here’s the truth: that voice isn’t you. It’s what someone taught you to believe about yourself.

Why It Feels Like Truth (But Isn’t)

Your brain learns by repetition. If you hear something enough times, especially as a child, it starts to feel like a fact, even if it’s cruel, even if it’s wrong.

Your inner critic repeats what you heard growing up—not because it’s true, but because it’s familiar.

How to Challenge Your Inner Critic

You can’t silence your inner critic in a day. But you can start responding to it differently.

Try these steps:

1. Catch the Critic. Notice when the voice shows up. Pay attention to the exact words it uses.

2. Pause and Question. Ask:

   • “Who taught me this?”

   • “Is this fact—or fear?”

   • “Would I say this to a friend?”

3. Talk Back Gently. Replace the harsh voice with something kinder:

   • “I’m learning, and that’s enough.”

   • “Mistakes mean I’m growing, not failing.”

   • “I deserve love without earning it.”

4. Choose One Truth. Find one sentence that feels stronger than the critic and repeat it daily, even if you don’t fully believe it yet.

   
   

It’s Okay If Facing Your Inner Critic Feels Hard

Becoming your friend after years of self-criticism is not easy. You’re changing messages that were drilled into you when you were young. That takes courage.

But every time you notice the critic and choose kindness instead, you’re building a new inner voice. One that tells you the truth: You are worth loving.

Support on Your Journey

If your inner critic feels louder than your own voice, you’re not alone. Talking about it can help you break its power.

In Neighbor Talk Coaching, we create a safe space for you to speak honestly about what your inner critic says—and start learning how to talk to yourself with grace and truth instead.

FOR MORE INFORMATION

[Book a Neighbor Talk Session –  You deserve to feel proud of your progress.]

Healing & Journaling Tool: “When I Fall Back”

Prompt:

Write down five of the harshest thoughts you hear inside your head.

Next to each one, write who taught you to believe that. (If you’re not sure, just guess.)

Now write what you wish someone had told you instead.

Keep this list. This is where your healing begins.

(This will be saved to your journal doc.)

You’re Worth More Than That Voice Tells You

Every time your inner critic speaks, you have a choice. Not to believe it. Not to repeat it. And not to let it control who you become. Facing your inner critic is hard.

You are not broken.

You are learning to be kinder to yourself.

And that is brave work.