The Emotional Side of Leadership – Finding Purpose When No One Claps

Deborah Ann Martin
Jan 13
4 min read

Updated: Jan 16

A Black woman smiles while talking to a man and a woman across a table, reflecting authentic connection and purpose in leadership. — Purpose is found in connection, not recognition.

The Emotional Side of Leadership

Being a supervisor is often a thankless job. You don’t do it for the applause. You do it because someone has to step up and lead. But even the strongest among us have days when it feels like we’re standing alone.

When I first stepped into leadership, I didn’t realize how much weight came with it. You carry the workload, the policies, the team’s emotions, and the silent expectation to keep everything moving, even when the wheels are falling off behind the scenes. And the truth is, no one sees all that.

This is the emotional side of leadership, the invisible labor of managing not just tasks, but people’s moods, struggles, and triumphs.

I used to think leadership meant just managing tasks. I learned quickly that real leadership means managing people, their moods, their work styles, their grief, their excitement, their resistance to change. It means becoming the coach, the cheerleader, the referee, the therapist, and the one who stays late to finish the budget report.

And sometimes you look around and realize that no one is clapping.

You Have to Be Your Own Applause

I had to learn how to cheer for myself. Because most days, leadership is invisible work. When your team thrives, they get the praise. When things go wrong, you get the blame. It took me a while to accept that my win might be a quiet one, a process that ran smoothly, an employee who found their stride, a crisis averted because I anticipated the risk.

You won’t always get recognized. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t win.

I started keeping a "small wins" notebook. Any time something went right, a tough conversation that ended in growth, an employee who thanked me privately, a process I improved, I wrote it down. It reminded me that progress doesn’t always shout.

Why You Need Purpose Beyond a Paycheck

Let’s be honest, the money doesn’t always make sense. I’ve been a salaried supervisor where employees working overtime made more than me. That can be a bitter pill if you’re in this for the paycheck alone.

You have to have a deeper purpose. For me, it’s about building people. It's about creating structure and clarity where there was once chaos. It's about lifting someone up and watching them grow beyond what they thought was possible.

That’s what keeps me going.

Leadership Is a Long Game

There’s a rhythm to building a team. In project management, we call it "Forming, Storming, Norming, Performing."

Forming is when everyone is new and polite.
Storming is when personalities clash, roles are unclear, and tensions rise.
Norming is when things start to click and people find their stride.
Performing is when the team runs smoothly and supports one another.

Most teams live in a cycle of these phases. Every change, new hire, promotion, or policy shift, can send you back into storming. Good supervisors recognize where the team is and respond accordingly.

But that means you, as the supervisor, are always adjusting. Always reading the room. Always managing the emotions. It’s exhausting if you don’t have some kind of anchor.

SMART Goals Aren’t Just for Employees

One of the best things I ever did for myself as a leader was setting SMART goals for my own development:

Specific: Help one employee reach readiness for a promotion this year.
Measurable: Improve onboarding time by 30%.
Achievable: Create three new SOPs that reduce repeat questions.
Relevant: Focus on training to support our team’s current project.
Time-bound: Complete all by Q4.

These goals gave me purpose. They gave me something to be proud of even if no one else noticed. Because leadership isn’t just about checking boxes. It’s about growth, yours and theirs.

Trust Takes Time

Not everyone will open up to you right away. Some people have been burned by leadership before. Some are just private. But the only way to earn trust is to show up consistently.

You show up when it’s hard. You tell the truth, even when it’s uncomfortable. You give credit away and take blame when it’s not yours. Over time, people begin to see who you really are.

Leadership isn’t earned by title. It’s earned by behavior.

And once you’ve earned that trust? That’s when the real work gets done.

Final Word

Leadership can feel like a lonely place. You might not get thanked. You might not get noticed. But your impact is real.

Look at what you’ve built. Look at who’s grown under your guidance. Set your own goals. Celebrate your own wins. Find your purpose beyond applause.

Because in the end, the best leaders know, sometimes, you have to be the one who claps.

Support for Supervisors

If you’re feeling the weight of leadership and wondering if it’s worth it, you’re not alone. That quiet strength, that purpose-driven leadership? It matters. And you don’t have to carry it alone.