Don’t Shrink: Allowing Yourself to Take Up Space
Updated: Sep 29
When You Realize You’ve Been Asking for Less Than You Need
Taking up space can feel uncomfortable when you’ve spent years shrinking, adapting, or staying quiet. You may notice an instinct to apologize for your needs, soften your presence, or justify your existence.
If allowing yourself to take up space feels unfamiliar or risky, you are not doing something wrong. You are unlearning patterns that once helped you stay safe.
Taking up space is not arrogance. It is self-respect.
How to Take Up Space: What Taking Up Space Actually Means
Taking up space does not mean dominating conversations, demanding attention, or overshadowing others.
Taking up space means:
• Letting your feelings exist
• Expressing needs without apology
• Holding boundaries
• Being present without shrinking
• Allowing your body and voice to be visible
It is about permission, not volume.
Why Taking Up Space Can Trigger Guilt
Many people associate taking up space with being selfish or difficult.
This belief often comes from:
• Being praised for being easy
• Being taught not to inconvenience others
• Being expected to stay strong or quiet
• Having needs minimized in the past
When you begin to take up space, guilt may arise. That guilt is learned, not proof that you are doing something wrong.
The Cost of Staying Small
When you consistently make yourself smaller than you are, something inside you gets compressed.
You may feel:
• Frustrated
• Resentful
• Invisible
• Disconnected
• Emotionally tired
These feelings are not flaws. They are signals that you need more room to exist.
Taking Up Space Builds Self-Trust
Each time you allow yourself to take up space, you reinforce self-trust.
Self-trust grows when you:
• Honor your limits
• Speak your needs
• Stay present in discomfort
• Don’t abandon yourself
These moments teach your system that you can be visible and safe at the same time.
You Don’t Need to Earn Space
Many people believe they must earn the right to take up space by being helpful, perfect, or indispensable.
You do not need to earn space.
You are allowed to exist as you are.
Space is not a reward. It is a basic human need.
Letting Others Have Their Reactions
Taking up space may change dynamics. Others may need time to adjust.
Their reactions:
• Do not define your worth
• Are not your responsibility to manage
• Do not mean you should shrink again
You are allowed to exist even if it makes others uncomfortable.
Practicing Taking Up Space Gently
You don’t have to expand all at once.
You might practice by:
• Sitting without apologizing
• Speaking without softening every word
• Saying no without explanation
• Allowing silence after you speak
Small acts of expansion matter.
Taking Up Space Is Not Taking From Others
Space is not a limited resource.
You taking up space does not reduce someone else’s value. Your existing fully does not diminish anyone else.
There is room for all of you.
You Are Allowed to Be Here
This may sound simple, but it’s often the hardest truth to accept.
You are allowed to:
• Be seen
• Be heard
• Be felt
• Be here
You do not need to disappear to belong.
Journal Prompts
Move through these gently.
Where do I still hesitate to take up space?
What beliefs come up when I imagine being more visible?
How does my body respond when I allow myself to exist fully?
What is one small way I could take up more space today?
Where to Go From Here
Allowing yourself to take up space is easier when you are not doing it alone. At Surviving Life Lessons, we believe in life survivors helping life strugglers. Our Self-Esteem & Confidence Support Group can help you rebuild how you see yourself, and our Personal Growth and Healing group is a place to grow with others on the same path. You can also browse our Community Groups Catalog to find every group that fits where you are right now.
For more, read Don’t Shrink: Where You’ve Been Making Yourself Small or Don’t Shrink: Reclaiming Your Voice. You can also work through it with the Don’t Shrink Guided Journal.
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Helpful Resources for Your Journey
Explore our collection of books, journals, coloring books, and printable PDFs designed to encourage, inspire, and support you every step of the way.
Companion journal for this series: Don’t Shrink Guided Journal | Printable PDF: Don’t Shrink (PDF)
About the Author:
Deborah Ann Martin is the founder of Surviving Life Lessons, a published author, poet, speaker, and trainer with over 20 years of management experience across multiple industries. An MBA graduate, U.S. veteran, single mother, and rare cancer survivor, Deborah brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her writing on resilience, leadership, personal growth, and overcoming adversity. Her mission is to empower others with practical wisdom and real-life insight to navigate life’s challenges with strength and purpose.
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