Cancer and Everyday Life: Managing Stress
- Deborah Ann Martin
- 1 day ago
- 17 min read
Managing work, family, and everyday stress during cancer treatment
Cancer did not arrive and politely clear everything else from my calendar.
I still had a job.
I still had bills.
I still had children who were trying to manage their own lives and emotions.
I still needed groceries, transportation, housing, and a safe way to get to medical appointments.
At the same time, I was recovering from surgeries, receiving chemotherapy, trying to protect my health during COVID, and continuing to handle the ordinary responsibilities of life.
And underneath all of it was stress.
There was the stress of cancer itself.
The stress of treatment.
The stress of money.
The stress of work.
The stress of family.
The stress of wondering what problem would appear next.
Cancer treatment may become a major part of your life, but it does not become the only part.
That was something I had to learn.
Cancer Does Not Stop Everyday Life
People sometimes imagine that after a serious cancer diagnosis, everything else stops.
Real life is rarely that simple.
The laundry still needs to be washed.
The rent or mortgage still needs to be paid.
Food still has to enter the house.
Children still have problems.
Cars still need gas.
Forms still need to be completed.
Employers still expect work.
Snow still falls on the sidewalk.
And cancer adds another layer:
Appointments.
Medications.
Bloodwork.
Scans.
Treatment side effects.
Insurance questions.
Fear.
Fatigue.
Waiting for results.
The National Cancer Institute recognizes that cancer can disrupt daily routines while also noting that maintaining parts of a normal routine, when possible, can help some people cope.
I tried to maintain as much of my normal life as I could.
Sometimes that meant working.
Sometimes it meant asking someone else to do something.
Sometimes it meant deciding that a task simply did not matter enough to spend my limited energy on it.
Stress Became Part of the Cancer Experience
I learned that stress does not come from only one source.
Cancer itself was stressful, but so were the things surrounding it.
I worried about my health.
I worried about my children.
I worried about money.
I worried about work.
I worried about housing.
I worried about appointments and test results.
I worried about what would happen if I became too sick to do something I was responsible for.
The National Cancer Institute notes that people with cancer may experience stress related to insurance, emotional support, daily routines, work, transportation, and other practical concerns.
That description matched my experience.
Sometimes the medical problem was not even the thing causing the most stress that day.
Sometimes it was the problem waiting for me when I got home.
I Still Went to Work
I continued working throughout much of my treatment.
My appointments had to fit around my work schedule, and my work schedule had to bend around appointments, chemotherapy side effects, fatigue, and recovery.
Because we were teleworking during COVID, I could work from home.
That made continuing my job possible in a way it might not have been if I had needed to commute every day.
My boss allowed me to adjust my hours as long as my work was completed.
Sometimes I worked extra hours.
Sometimes I worked part of the day, rested, and returned later.
Sometimes I made up hours on another day.
The flexibility mattered because I still needed my income.
It also mattered because work gave me something besides cancer to think about.
The American Cancer Society notes that some people continue working during treatment while others need reduced hours, additional time off, remote work, or other accommodations.
I knew I was fortunate.
Many cancer patients cannot work from home.
Some cannot work at all.
Continuing to work did not make me stronger than someone who needed medical leave.
It meant my health, job, treatment, supervisor, and circumstances gave me an option.
Work Was Also a Source of Stress
Work helped me financially and emotionally.
But it could also add stress.
I was trying to keep up with my responsibilities while my body was dealing with chemotherapy.
A flexible schedule helped solve one problem.
It did not create more energy.
If I missed several hours for an appointment, those hours still had to be worked.
Sometimes they moved into the evening.
Sometimes they moved into the weekend.
That meant the time my body might have used for recovery became work time instead.
I have written separately about what it was like to work through chemotherapy and how flexibility protected my paycheck while sometimes taking away from my recovery time.
That experience taught me an important lesson:
Being able to work does not necessarily mean you have enough energy to work without a cost.
Ordinary Responsibilities Did Not Disappear
Cancer did not excuse me from being a mother.
It did not eliminate household responsibilities.
It did not make financial decisions disappear.
It did not stop my children from having problems of their own.
The National Cancer Institute explains that cancer can change family routines and responsibilities. Family members may need to help with transportation, cooking, bills, chores, and other daily needs.
That was true in my family.
The challenge was figuring out which responsibilities actually needed to be done by me.
That distinction became important.
I Had to Learn to Let Some Things Go
Before cancer, I did a lot of extra things.
I volunteered.
I participated in potlucks at work.
I took on household chores that were difficult.
I tried to be helpful.
I tried to keep everything moving.
During treatment, I had to start asking myself a different question:
Does this really need to be done by me?
Sometimes the answer was yes.
Sometimes I delegated it.
Sometimes I did something in smaller, slower steps.
Sometimes I quit something altogether.
And sometimes I simply let it wait.
That was not always easy.
For someone accustomed to being responsible, letting something go can feel like failure.
I had to learn that protecting my energy was also a responsibility.
Stress Reduction Sometimes Meant Doing Less
Stress reduction does not always mean meditation, yoga, or taking a relaxing vacation.
Sometimes stress reduction means removing something from your life.
It may mean:
Saying no to an activity
Asking someone else to do a household chore
Ordering groceries
Postponing a nonessential project
Working fewer hours when medically necessary
Accepting a ride
Letting the house be less perfect
Asking family members to take over specific responsibilities
Giving yourself permission not to volunteer
Taking a break from people or activities that create unnecessary stress
The National Cancer Institute encourages people with cancer to think about how they spend their time and to avoid exhausting themselves.
I learned that doing less can sometimes be an important part of taking care of yourself.
COVID Added Another Layer of Stress
My cancer treatment took place during COVID.
There were restrictions at hospitals and medical offices.
Visitors were limited.
People wore masks.
Many services had changed.
Ordinary errands carried another layer of concern.
I masked when I went out.
A lot of the time, I had groceries delivered.
Delivery services became much more than a convenience.
They saved energy.
They reduced the amount of walking I had to do.
They helped me avoid crowds.
They prevented me from carrying heavy bags when I was recovering from surgery or exhausted from chemotherapy.
Occasionally, I still went shopping myself.
When I did, I tried to go during strange hours when very few people were there.
I was not trying to live in complete fear.
I was trying to reduce unnecessary stress and risk while still living my life.
Grocery Delivery Was a Stress Reducer
Before cancer and COVID, grocery delivery might have seemed like a luxury.
During treatment, it became practical.
Every task requires energy.
Getting dressed.
Driving.
Parking.
Walking through a store.
Pushing a cart.
Standing in line.
Carrying bags.
Putting everything away.
When your energy is limited, those small tasks add up.
Having groceries delivered meant I could spend that energy somewhere else.
Sometimes the best stress reduction is not something you add to your schedule.
It is something you remove.
My Neighbors Quietly Made Life Easier
I was blessed to have good neighbors.
A couple who lived across the street would shovel my sidewalk when it snowed.
They understood that I needed to leave the house for medical appointments and that slipping on ice could create another serious problem.
They did not perform a large, public act.
They cleared a safe path.
That simple kindness mattered.
When someone is undergoing cancer treatment, practical help can be more useful than saying:
“Call me if you need anything.”
A specific offer is easier to accept.
“I will clear your sidewalk.”
“I am going to the grocery store. Send me five things.”
“I can drive you Tuesday.”
“I will bring dinner Thursday.”
“I can take the trash out.”
Small acts can protect a patient's limited energy.
My Children Rotated Their Help
My children helped me, but I did not want one child carrying the entire load.
They rotated responsibilities as much as possible.
One might help with an appointment.
Another might stay for a period of time.
Another might handle a different need.
Rotating responsibilities helped prevent one person from becoming responsible for every ride, task, emergency, and emotional need.
Cancer affects families, not only patients. Family members may experience fear, anger, helplessness, and changes in their own responsibilities.
My children were living through cancer too.
Cancer Happens to the Family Too
I was the one receiving surgery and chemotherapy.
But my children were also living through cancer.
They were afraid I might die.
They had to watch me lose my hair, become exhausted, struggle with food, and prepare legal documents in case I did not survive.
They had their own jobs, school, relationships, finances, and emotional histories.
Now they also had a mother with Stage IV cancer.
Sometimes people look at adult children and assume they should be able to handle a parent's illness without much support.
Being legally grown does not remove the fear of losing your mother.
My Children Needed Their Own Support
Two of my sons eventually had emotional support dogs.
Those animals were not simply decorations or pets chosen without thought.
My sons were trying to manage their own emotional needs during a period filled with divorce, moving, instability, and my cancer diagnosis.
The family surrounding a cancer patient may need support too.
That support might come from:
Counseling
Faith communities
Friends
Support groups
Exercise
Journaling
Medication prescribed by a professional
A pet or emotional support animal
Time away from caregiving
Honest family conversations
There is no single correct way for a family to cope.
One person may want to talk constantly.
Another may become quiet.
One may help with practical tasks.
Another may need more emotional support.
Sometimes I Just Needed Someone to Listen
I was fortunate to have friends I could call or who would call me.
Sometimes I needed advice.
Sometimes I needed help thinking through a problem.
Sometimes I needed someone to help me figure out what I could delegate, what could wait, and what I needed to handle myself.
But most often, I needed to vent.
I needed to say what I was afraid of.
I needed to talk about what was frustrating me.
Sometimes I needed to pray.
There is a difference between someone trying to fix your life and someone simply being willing to sit with you while you sort through it.
I learned to value both.
The Dog Created Another Housing Problem
My son arranged for an emotional support dog without telling me until the process was already underway.
Then he informed me that he was bringing a dog home.
We lived in a duplex that did not normally allow pets.
The dog was a pit bull, which added another complication because the owner raised concerns about the property's insurance.
There were discussions involving documentation and legal representation.
Ultimately, my son was allowed to keep his dog, and we were able to remain in the duplex at that time.
The entire situation created stress I did not need while undergoing cancer treatment.
Even when a family is trying to solve an emotional problem, the solution can create practical complications involving housing, expenses, care, and communication.
That does not mean the dog was a mistake.
It means that major decisions can become much more complicated when a family is already under tremendous stress.
The Dog Helped Me Too
The dog officially came into the home to support my son.
He also became emotional support for me.
I had grown up with pets.
After my divorce, I did not have one. I had been deeply affected by having to put my own pet to sleep, and I did not feel ready to go through that kind of loss again.
Then my son's dog entered our lives.
During cancer treatment, the dog offered companionship and comfort.
He did not need me to explain cancer.
He did not ask for scan results.
He did not tell me to stay positive.
He simply existed beside us.
Sometimes comfort enters the home for one person and quietly spreads through the whole family.
Cancer Did Not Remove Existing Family Problems
Serious illness can bring a family together.
It can also expose old pain.
Divorce, relocation, financial stress, emotional struggles, and family disagreements do not automatically disappear after a cancer diagnosis.
Sometimes cancer makes those problems harder because everyone has less emotional energy.
The National Cancer Institute notes that cancer can change family roles and routines and create emotional and practical strain for family members.
That is why support should not focus only on the person receiving treatment.
Children, partners, siblings, and caregivers may need support too.
Then My Housing Became Unstable
I finished my initial cancer treatments in March.
Soon afterward, another major life problem appeared.
My rent had been approximately $700 per month.
Beginning May 1, it increased to approximately $1,200 per month.
The arrangement was month to month.
From my perspective, the dramatic increase felt like a way of pushing us out.
My son Austin had also stayed for a period to help me, and the property owners considered him to be living there.
Between the dog, additional family presence, and other concerns, the housing relationship had become increasingly difficult.
I had just completed treatment for Stage IV cancer.
Now I had to determine where I was going to live.
Cancer had not finished creating problems just because treatment was ending.
Financial Stress Is Still Cancer Stress
Cancer patients may be making medical decisions while also facing:
Rent or mortgage payments
Utility bills
Insurance premiums
Transportation costs
Lost wages
Medication costs
Food expenses
Home repairs
Moving costs
Financial distress is a recognized concern for people with cancer. The National Cancer Institute notes that cancer-related financial problems can affect income, housing, food, debt, and the ability to pay bills.
For $1,200 per month, I began thinking that I might be able to buy a house.
That thought opened another set of decisions.
I Had to Decide Where My Future Would Be
My employer had said we were moving toward permanent telework.
As long as I had reliable internet, I had more freedom to decide where I lived.
I considered staying in West Virginia.
I also considered returning to Virginia.
My daughter and grandchildren were in Virginia.
Virginia had doctors and medical systems I trusted.
My two youngest sons, whom I had moved to West Virginia after the divorce, told me they would also prefer to return to Virginia.
My oldest son reminded me that I should not base the entire decision on where my adult children might live temporarily.
He planned to attend nursing school and expected that he might eventually move somewhere else.
He told me to decide based on what was best for me.
That was good advice.
I Considered Transportation and Medical Access
I thought about what would happen if my children were not available to drive me.
If I lived in the Hampton Roads area, I would have access to public transportation and other ways to reach medical appointments.
That mattered.
A home is not only a building.
For someone living with cancer or another serious illness, location can affect access to:
Oncologists
Hospitals
Pharmacies
Transportation
Grocery stores
Family support
Emergency care
Rehabilitation services
Reliable internet
I could not plan only for the version of myself who felt well.
I had to plan for the possibility that I might not always be able to drive or manage everything independently.
Life Continues Whether You Feel Ready or Not
Within one short period, I was dealing with:
Stage IV cancer recovery
Work
COVID restrictions
My children's emotional needs
Emotional support animals
A dispute with the landlord
A large rent increase
A possible interstate move
The decision to buy a home
Medical access
Transportation planning
My financial future
There was no clean break between one crisis and the next.
I did not finish cancer and then calmly begin solving housing.
The problems overlapped.
That is what everyday life during cancer can look like.
Stress Reduction May Mean Changing Your Priorities
One of the biggest lessons I learned was that I could not keep doing everything the way I had before cancer.
I had to decide what mattered.
Some things were essential.
Some things could be delegated.
Some things could be postponed.
Some things could be eliminated.
That may sound simple.
It was not.
When you have spent years being the person who handles things, allowing someone else to take over can feel uncomfortable.
But cancer changed my available energy.
My priorities had to change too.
I Learned to Ask for Specific Help
Instead of trying to manage everything myself, I learned that specific requests worked better.
“I need someone to pick up groceries.”
“I need help with this household chore.”
“Can someone drive me to this appointment?”
“I need someone to make this phone call.”
“I need someone to sit with me.”
“I don't need you to fix it. I just need you to listen.”
That last request became particularly important.
Sometimes I did not need a solution.
I needed a safe place to say what was on my mind.
You May Need Help Beyond Medical Treatment
Cancer support should include more than information about chemotherapy and scans.
Patients may need help with:
Employment
Transportation
Food
Housing
Legal questions
Childcare
Pet care
Family communication
Emotional support
Financial planning
Caregiver relief
Medical centers may have oncology social workers, patient navigators, financial counselors, or other professionals who can help patients identify resources.
The National Cancer Institute recommends talking with healthcare professionals and social workers when practical or emotional concerns are becoming difficult to manage.
You do not have to wait until everything becomes a crisis before asking.
Practical Ways Others Can Help
Instead of asking a patient to organize all the help, offer one specific task.
You might:
Deliver groceries
Clear snow or leaves
Drive to an appointment
Sit with the patient during a virtual visit
Take notes
Pick up prescriptions
Walk or feed a pet
Help with laundry
Prepare one meal
Make telephone calls
Research transportation
Organize a rotating family schedule
Help complete employment or insurance paperwork
Do not promise more than you can provide.
Reliable, limited help is often better than a large offer that disappears.
Questions to Ask When Normal Life Becomes Too Much
Ask your cancer center:
Is a patient navigator available?
Can I speak with an oncology social worker?
Are transportation services available?
Is there help with food or medication costs?
Are support groups available for family members?
Can someone help with employment paperwork?
Is counseling available?
Are there community organizations that assist with household tasks?
Ask your family:
Who can help with appointments?
Who can handle groceries?
Who can take over one household responsibility?
Can responsibilities rotate?
Who needs emotional support?
Is anyone becoming overwhelmed?
What tasks can be simplified or postponed?
Ask your employer:
Can I telework?
Can I adjust my hours?
Can my schedule change on treatment days?
Can I use intermittent leave if eligible?
What documentation is required?
Are disability benefits available?
How will leave affect health insurance?
Workplace options depend on the employee, employer, treatment, job, and applicable laws.
Federal FMLA can provide eligible employees of covered employers with qualifying unpaid, job-protected leave, and cancer may also qualify for workplace accommodations under the ADA.
Work Is Only One Part of the Stress
It is tempting to think of cancer stress as something that happens at the doctor's office.
For me, much of the stress happened outside the cancer center.
It happened when the rent changed.
When my children needed help.
When I needed help.
When I had to make decisions about housing.
When I worried about money.
When I had to figure out how to keep working.
When I had to decide which responsibilities were worth my limited energy.
Cancer can create a long list of problems that have nothing to do with the actual infusion chair.
You Do Not Have to Do Everything You Did Before Cancer
This may be one of the hardest lessons for an independent person to accept.
You may have been the person who:
Hosted the family gatherings
Volunteered
Worked overtime
Kept the house perfect
Took care of everyone else
Solved other people's problems
Never asked for help
Cancer may force you to reconsider that role.
It did for me.
There were things I simply could not keep doing.
And there were things I eventually realized I did not need to keep doing.
What I Wish Someone Had Told Me
I wish someone had told me that cancer would not place the rest of my life on hold.
I wish someone had warned me that family members might need as much emotional support as I did.
I wish I had known that accepting grocery delivery, help from neighbors, and flexible work hours was not laziness.
I wish more people understood that a patient may be dealing with housing, pets, bills, work, and family conflict between chemotherapy appointments.
I wish I had understood earlier that stress reduction might mean doing less, not adding another activity to my schedule.
I wish someone had told me that asking a friend to listen can be just as important as asking someone to solve a problem.
Most of all, I wish someone had said:
“You do not have to solve every part of normal life exactly the way you did before cancer.”
Hope for Today
Cancer changed my life.
It did not remove my life.
I still worked.
I scheduled appointments.
I wore a mask.
I ordered groceries.
I shopped when the stores were nearly empty.
My neighbors cleared my sidewalk.
My children rotated their help.
My son brought home a dog that created a housing dispute and then became a source of comfort.
My rent increased.
I had to decide where to live.
I had to think about transportation, doctors, family, finances, and my future.
There was chaos everywhere.
But there was also kindness.
There was a boss who trusted me.
There were neighbors who made a safe path.
There were children who helped in the ways they could.
There were friends who listened.
There was a dog who sat with us.
And there were moments when I learned that letting go of one responsibility could give me room to handle something more important.
Cancer became part of my everyday life.
It did not get to become all of it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does cancer affect everyday life?
Yes. Cancer and its treatment can affect work, family responsibilities, finances, transportation, relationships, routines, and emotional well-being.
Can stress affect someone during cancer treatment?
Stress is common during cancer treatment and may come from the diagnosis itself as well as work, family, finances, transportation, insurance, and other daily concerns.
Can people continue working during cancer treatment?
Some people can continue working, while others need reduced hours, accommodations, intermittent leave, or complete time away from work. It depends on the person's health, treatment, side effects, job, and available support.
How can family members help someone with cancer?
Family members can help with transportation, meals, groceries, household chores, appointments, childcare, pet care, and emotional support. Dividing responsibilities can help prevent one person from carrying the entire burden.
What are simple ways to reduce stress during cancer treatment?
Reducing unnecessary responsibilities, accepting practical help, simplifying routines, protecting rest, talking with trusted people, and asking healthcare professionals about available support can all help manage the demands of everyday life.
Is asking a friend to listen really helpful?
It can be. Sometimes a person does not need someone to solve the problem. They need a safe person who will listen while they express fear, frustration, or worry and then help them think through their next step.
What if cancer-related responsibilities become overwhelming?
Talk with your cancer care team. An oncology social worker, patient navigator, counselor, or other support professional may be able to help identify practical and emotional resources.
What if cancer creates financial or housing stress?
Tell your cancer care team about the problem rather than assuming it is separate from cancer care. Financial distress can affect housing, food, transportation, employment, and the ability to pay medical expenses.
Can a cancer patient ask for workplace accommodations?
Depending on the circumstances, employees with cancer may have rights under federal or state laws and may be eligible for workplace accommodations, leave, or other protections. The U.S. Department of Labor and EEOC provide information about these protections.
Support on Your Journey
Cancer does not happen in isolation.
It may overlap with work stress, housing concerns, family problems, finances, caregiving, pets, grief, and countless ordinary responsibilities.
Sometimes the biggest source of stress is not the medical appointment.
It is everything waiting for you when you leave the appointment.
Surviving Life Lessons Community Groups are being formed to give patients, survivors, caregivers, and families a place to talk about the whole experience—not only the diagnosis.
It does not replace medical care, counseling, legal advice, financial planning, or professional benefits guidance.
Sometimes stress reduction begins with solving the problem.
Sometimes it begins with asking for help.
And sometimes it begins with simply saying:
“I have too much on my plate. I need someone to listen.”
Find Your Community
No one should have to face life's challenges alone. At Surviving Life Lessons, we believe in life survivors helping life strugglers. Explore our growing Community Groups to connect with others who understand your journey, share encouragement, and find hope through meaningful conversations. You'll also have the opportunity to introduce yourself and share your own story of overcoming. Your story matters. It may be the encouragement someone else needs to keep moving forward, reminding them that they are not alone and that hope is always possible.
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About the Author:
Deborah Ann Martin is the founder of Surviving Life Lessons, a published author, poet, speaker, and trainer with over 20 years of management experience across multiple industries. An MBA graduate, U.S. veteran, single mother, and rare cancer survivor, Deborah brings both professional expertise and lived experience to her writing on resilience, leadership, personal growth, and overcoming adversity. Her mission is to empower others with practical wisdom and real-life insight to navigate life’s challenges with strength and purpose.
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